Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[burned]

I'd like to say this sternly, not because of any expectations, but because I don't want you to go through what I'm going through now:

Do exactly what people here are telling you. They aren't here to mislead people. When you get that awful dying feeling in the pit of your stomach, ignore it. Trust the people here. They have seen the same thing happen over. And over. And over. Your sitch is unique but NOT different.

Want to see what happens when you do it the wrong way? Read my threads. I did the opposite of everything I was supposed to do, for about 4 months. Then I learned about DB, joined the board, and did a bad job of following the advice here, for another month, until I had no other options. It's good to have options. It's not good to be up against a wall. DB gives you options.

Save the big guns for later. MC, IC, workshops, retreats. None of those will work right now. Well, they will work, if what you define as "working" is prolonging your denial and agony.

When they say it's a marathon, they sometimes forget to add that it can be a very long marathon. You don't have control over the outcome but you do have some control over the length of the race.