but here’s the kicker, she asked D14 not to get angry at her to which D14 replied by storming away and telling me that “she can’t tell me how to feel. she doesn’t control my feelings”.
Classic example of a time when your W should have been offering empathy and validation to your D instead of telling her she can't feel a certain way.
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^^^ this is where i eventually get lost. how do i initiate this, without looking like am begging or pursuing WW. i know it’s about my D14, but am really lost.
I can certainly see where you are coming from there. I wasn't so much saying to proactively do something, but rather in DB parlance "keep the way home paved and smooth." Except in this case "home" is your W and "the way" is the path between D and W. So don't ever disparage your W in front of D even though it may be very tempting. If D says bad things about W, then listen and validate. Tell her you understand why she feels like she does, but that you think W is going through some difficult struggles and not intentionally pushing D away, but her actions make it feel that way. Tell her that you and W both love her very much despite the difficulties you and W are having and that you can see it's hurting W very much to not have an R with daughter.
^^I hope that gives you an idea of what I meant. I went through this with my kids, they didn't alienate my ex like your D has done to your W, but there were some bad feelings there. When the kids would say something bad about W and OM it was VERY tempting to agree and turn it into a bitch-fest about W. But when they went there I bit my tongue, validated, and told them I know it's tough but their mom loves them very much and that's really what matters.
