Do not bring it up now she will see it as manipulation on your part. (which it is). That can be discussed if you decide to D and begin to negotiate.
Absolutely, you can get the help you need! The problem is she has to want to get help. Give her the time and space to make a choice to stay in the marriage.
Again you are using logic and reason with an emotional human being. As we talk about here all the time, your W is like a caged animal who has been locked up for 12 years. Do you use logic and reason with a caged animal? No, you open the cage door and set it free. Some end up liking roaming free in the wilderness and some end up coming back home. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the cage door.
You see if you never open the cage door the animal will always feel unsettled.
