Navigating through and concentrating on myself #6

[Dtrmned]

Thanks Steve.
I am taking a more role as you suggested effective immediately.
I am so up and down the last 2 days. I am resigned to the fact that my W and I are done. My ONLY concern is my D's safety and security and to support her through this. Problem I have is that W doesn't want me involved. Keeps very important things from me. And, contrary to her words, it feels like she is putting her own viewpoints onto our D and having a huge negative influence upon her.

Just struggling with this. I want to sweep my D away, protect her and get her the help she needs. With this in mind, I keep getting thoughts in my head of just sweeping the whole family away so we could have a fresh start. I know it is unfathomable to even contemplate this, but the mind will bring in what it does.

These thoughts are not overwhelming as they used to be. I recognize them quicker and move on from them. I have decided not to dismiss them, but to experience them in my mind as part of this process of working through. Of course every parent wants to help and protect their child! Every parent would do what it takes to support their children. And I also believe, that for the most part, parents want both the mother and father involved (even if not in the same home) in their child's life.

Tough. Real problems on top of everything else.

No wonder my W wants out. I am realizing more and more on her selfishness. I know she will be there for our daughter, but it seems like the slightest inconvenience is SO frustrating for my W.

Of course she isn't having any fun in our home. She dislikes me. Blames me for a lot of things. All we have are kid conversations (mostly logistical or disciplinary) so no fun there, We do nothing social so no fun there. She blames a lot of her health issues on me (again a little selfishness as I don't have that kind of power). When we part, she will have to throw on the 100%(half the time) parenting role, add in a job, and the entire household to take care of. I hope her energy can get her through. I wish her all the happiness and hope that she will have a wonderful life. I hope that when I see her she looks great and is doing well. My wishes.

I do not think it will be that rosy nor that full of rainbows. Maybe since it has rained and been so cloudy in our lives for so long, just the newness will feel like rainbows for her.

As I said, my feelings this week are all over the place. Again, more controlled, but I feel the detachment growing stronger for both myself and my W.