Introduction

[SteveLW]

I read your post. Every word.

First thing that popped out to me was "she never finished reading the book". Maybe I am wrong about that but your actions after finding out for sure there was a PA certainly didn't line up with the book.

For instance, contacting OW. This almost always does nothing positive. And it didn't do anything positive in your case either. You made the classic mistake of thinking that you could control him by confronting her. NEVER happens. I've seen and read dozens of sitches with PAs and never have I seen the PA stopped by the LBS going to the OP. Not once.

Second, why are LBSs so hung up on the WAS being remorseful? I see this over and over again. It is almost as if it is okay that he goes around sleeping with whomever he wants as long as he is sorry about it afterward? Or it would make it okay that they WAS destroyed our family, wrecked our children, destroyed someone else's life (the OW's BF) as long as he comes to me and expresses how sorry he is later. Do you see how crazy that sounds? It sounds as crazy as some of the things you point out above that he has said.

I understand that you can't change the health insurance without a change of life status. But the car insurance? You are mistaken I believe. I think you can call and remove him from that anytime you want. Did you just assume you can't or did you actually check into it?

Finally, you ask a lot of questions about why he hasn't filed, though he doesn't want to be with me and presuming he is still having his fun with the 22 yo hussy. That is easy, and you answered it yourself:

Him: "How long before we are off your health insurance?"
You: "I can't remove you until there is a D decree."

Not think about this from his perspective. Oh, if I D her then I lose my health insurace. Yeah, I should run right out and file! LOL Cake eating all the way. Open enrollment is coming soon (usually the end of the year). Drop him from your health insurance like a bad habit! You don't need a D decree to drop him during open enrollment.

Also, he has no incentive to move forward with D because you are still his plan B. All of what you said above. The hugging him goodbye, the telling him you love him. The losing your composure as he moved out. All of that is a huge shining neon sign over your head that tells him "YOU CAN STILL HAVE HER ANYTIME YOU WANT HER!" The exact WRONG message to send. That is what detachment is about. It tells the WAS "I am moving on, with or without you." You've not shown him that at all! Oh I know you told him you didn't want him there if he wasn't working on the marriage, but guess what? Your ACTIONS have shown him otherwise. He knows you'd kill to have him back in the house. He isn't seeing you move on at all. Trust me, read other people's sitches, what you do or don't do gets back to him. This is why GAL is sooooooooooo important.

Go out and do new things. Do all the things you've always wanted to do! Skydive! Bungee jump! Take up archery. ANYTHING that shows him you are not going to work, coming home, and sitting there waiting for him to come back home.

Finally, yes you are limbo. As in 95% of WAS sitches, the LBS is the one that ends up having to file. You said that was the case in his first marriage. (By the way, it might be helpful for you to share more about that. When did he leave his W, when was their D final. When did you come into the picture? If you weren't there before all of that was there someone else that was?) And guess what, this turd of a spineless worm isn't ever going to do the right thing and do the dirty work of ending your marriage. The only time he will is IF and WHEN he wants to marry this 22 yo airhead. Or the next Plan A that comes along. Bottom line, he has no incentive right now to cut lose his plan B. So give him a shove, starting with dropping him from the insurance as soon as you can. GAL like a madwoman. Detaching so that you aren't so on the hook, counting the time between communication.

Essentially, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and take control of your life!