I imagine your D is more hurt over your W abandoning her then she is the A itself. I mean reducing their communication to texting is W inadvertently telling her "I don't even care enough about you to try to talk to you face-to-face." My ex left me and had an OM, but the difference is both of us sat down with the kids and explained to them that while our M was in trouble, we both still loved them very much and would both continue to support them as parents no matter what. We were united for the kids even through an affair, separation and D. The kids were definitely depressed and frustrated about us breaking up, but I don't think they ever felt anger or resentment towards either of us.
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thanks for showing interest on my sitch AS.
what you just said makes a lot more sense. it’s more of an abandonment issue for d14. they haven’t spoke to each other for months now, and all she gets is a text message. WW spends more time being with POS than fixing her R with D14. and this is why, D14 is having a hard time to give WW a chance because in the end, she’s going to leave her.
the way WW told her A to D14, she bluntly said, that she loves POS and me and her are through. so D14 asks her if she can break it up, to which WW replies ,”but am going to miss him”. but here’s the kicker, she asked D14 not to get angry at her to which D14 replied by storming away and telling me that “she can’t tell me how to feel. she doesn’t control my feelings”.
[quote] As hard as this may sound, you need to do everything in your power to encourage D to accept the olive branch from W and try to help her understand that W is going through difficult times as well. You probably think your W "deserves" all of this and maybe she does, but D doesn't and she is the one that is really being hurt.[\quote]
if i think WW deserves all this treatment, i wouldn’t even waste our time in sending D14 to her IC. i would just end it there, and to hell with it, WW doesn’t deserve to have an R with WW, but am not. i could even take D14 at a friends house to spend the night when i work, but i did not. am trying to give WW a chance to mend the R with D14. but she won’t even give an extra effort, as what you’ve said, text messages, really?! i am so lost in how to fix it. D14’s IC has suggested to WW that she needs to not give up. i would love to help. but since i went dark/NC with WW, i don’t know how to approach her without appearing that am begging or pursuing. hence am on this site to seek help.
i love D14 so much, that i really want her to come out a better person with this sitch. she shouldn’t have been involved, but then a t he same time the minute WW asked her to lie, that was it. My IC also told me that D14 not having and R with WW will eventually hurt her in the future, which i really don’t want to happen.
[quote]Maybe, maybe not. You really don't know and that is mind-reading. You should do everything you can to encourage them to communicate and not assume you already know the outcome. It will be tough for them at first but eventually they will make peace.[quote]
^^^ this is where i eventually get lost. how do i initiate this, without looking like am begging or pursuing WW. i know it’s about my D14, but am really lost.
[quote=Steve85] My D15 and I used to be really close. We hunted together, she'd go up to the property with me and work on the property, she was a camo-wearing, tomboy that wanted to be just like daddy. In the last year she has turned. It is as if she can't stand me. Wants nothing to do with the activities above. It hurts so bad. It hurts so much worse than when I almost lost my W.
Sorry to hear that Steve, but please don't blame yourself. Most girls go through this around her age, both of my D's did as well. In general girls tend to draw close to their dads when they are young and then flip to being closer to their moms in their mid-teens. It's a natural transition that is part of them growing up.
