TN, understood. I just know how painful it is for a child to mistreat a parent. I did nothing to deserve it. Have I been perfect? No. Too be honest, a lot of the things she is upset with me about are the 180s I instituted after BD.
I no longer harp on my wife and her for spending money. My D has actually said, "why aren't you yelling at us for spending money? We are going to go broke!" LOL This isn't true, we are doing fine, but it shows you how she is reacting to one of my 180s.
I no longer criticize my W for the housework not getting done. My D has mentioned this.
I no longer come home from work in a foul mood. My D has mentioned this.
it is as if she doesn't believe my 180s, and therefore she is punishing me for the behavior prior to th 180. Kind of like "I don't care how well you are behaving now, I can't forgive you for the behavior before." At least that seems to be it. Yeah, I am mind reading. LOL
You W and D's relationship will outlast this A. And your current sitch. And I am just afraid your D is doing irreparable harm to it, at such a young age, that she will regret later in life.
thanks again steve.
as i’ve said, i try and try really hard to let D14 know that WW loves her, she’s just confused right now. what also upsets D14 is WW asked her lie for her when WW “hangs out” with POS. and that, according to D14 is something she might have a hard time forgetting and forgiving herself, that she lied to me about. she feels she contributed to the A.
my own IC also encourages me, since am the rational one, to try and soften D14’s attitude towards her mom. I wish it were that easy. D14 feels, by WW having A, she is embarrassed and disrespected at the same time. “ i know shes my mother, but after she hit me and screamed and yelled at me, we are now equals. the only reason she’s my mother is because i came out of her.” that’s how hurt and angry she is. Am caught in the middle of it.
I wish WW would make at least an extra effort and try to talk to her, but WW is scared of hearing the truth from D14. that’s how i see it.
