I need to detach and not have expectations. But after having a bunch of sex, finally communicating and sharing everything its like here is everything you want but oh... now its all gone. We do the family thing and everyone is happy together which is really all I want. Nothing changes on my end but somehow everything changes.

Last night we talked for 30 min on phone about her IC appt. We talked about taking it slow, I guess we aren't seeing other people still. But she doesn't want to commit to any plans.

I keep seeing things about letting go of relationships that aren't working, moving forward instead of standing still etc. Sign?

W is an introvert and says she needs alone time. What I want doesnt matter per usual.

Trying to focus on work and things I enjoy. Reached out to a few friends to try to make plans this weekend. Nothing set in stone. Still having a hard time connecting with other men.

Sigh... what a process. I thought we were on the right tract. A lot more work to do on myself. I want to be less needy but my needs like healthy communication, dating or getting coffee or some activity just the 2 of us 1x per week, somewhat consistent sex / romance. Are those unrealistic? I honestly feel like Im prettty healthy but the attachment to her is not.

Going to re-read the basics of DB and initial posts when you join here. Back to basics I guess. Trying not to be too frustrated and jump to the worst conclusion.

I see the same IC tomorrow. W says she doesnt know if she is going to see her again she really liekd it but expensive.

She had a catscan and $7500 hospital bill from 2 months ago. She forgot to give them insurance card- insurance I switched us to and included her on while we were separated this year. Insurance got the price down $7050 so she may owe $450... her response.. still expensive. I told her those numbers and she said thank you.

Never grateful / thankful / positive / happy. Sometimes I ask myself... Why am I doing all this for her?

I'm back to being torn a big part of me thinks stop caring, detach, let her go. Thats the only way I know how to be unavailable.


H: 33 W:32
M: 5 T: 8
D: 4
BD: 6/2017
MO: 6/2017
House sold: 6/28/18
W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18
Paying $ support since 7/18.
Physical Reconnect- 10/18
W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18