OK haven't been here for awhile. Been trying to focus on myself and not dwell too much in negativity. Since starting this process 7 months ago I have gotten a job, worked on a bunch of long term creative projects, hung out with more friends then in the last 8 years, seen a shrink, overcame my fear of flying, beat my depression and anxiety, spend 45 days in LA, got a tattoo, totally changed my diet started doing Yoga daily, lost 60 lbs and am in the best shape of my life.I started drinking for about a month after 11 years of sobriety but quickly took control of that and have happily gone back to my sober life. The downside is that I have had to replace my entire wardrobe...ok not a downside at all I look great! Also accidently got a terrible haircut where all my long hair was cut off...but this too was a blessing as I look great with short hair and no longer fat and hiding behind it. Not too shabby I must say I look great and I feel great!
My WW has from what people tell me been doing drugs and hanging out with 21 year olds (she is 34) and displayed manic tendancies. No mention or evidence of OM?
I hope she finds whatever she is looking for.
After returning from LA I submitted my paperwork for the D and went into No Contact. 30 days to the day she reached out to me and we met. Short 30 min meal where she was under the weather and I was put on the spot to entertain...pretty uneventful meeting but civil and mellow. I said it was nice to see her and she agreed and I went on my way and resumed no contact. She ended up following me on social media 2 weeks later and I followed back. 45 days later I reached out with a text about something funny I had seen she would enjoy and she did and we texted briefly about it and back to no contact. Final divorce papers came last week and I signed them (it is a no contest). Received email from her Lawyer that they are going to the court Thurs morning to finalize D. Needless to say I am very disappointed, I still love my W and really thought things could be worked out. Very disappointed that she didn't even try. What now?
Last edited by job; 10/10/1812:40 AM. Reason: added link to previous thread
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
BTW, congratulations on all the many accomplishments. What a great story.
W doesn't sound like she is in any place to have any healthy MR. All you can do is continue the great work and wait her out. That or move along.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Hurt is not the emotion. I moved past hurt months ago. Disappointed is the emotion...All told I feel that my W and I were a great couple and had a great relationship. I had some serious life issues arise at the end of our relationship and it made me into a very sad human being. The seperation was the only way for me to work my way out of the despair and depression and take accountability for myself. The good news is that it didn't take that long for me to bounce back and change my life, I hope that that is encouragement for newcomers. I am disappointed that WW didn't even try to work on things (ever in the relationship honestly) She is an avoidant and has her own road to walk down. There is still so much love in my heart for her is the bummer...it would have been so much easier if I hated her but that would not have been authentic to my feelings.
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
I was worried after not hearing from you for so long, but all things considered it seems like you are doing well. I agree that time and distance is the way to go. As both of us have found out it does nothing to guarantee the return of our spouses, but it does wonder for our own attitudes and moods. The most important thing in life is taking responsibility for our own happiness, and you seem well on your way there.
It's interesting that you are still feeling disappointment in your W. I have gotten more stuck in resentment and anger. Hopefully we can both reach a place of more acceptance in the coming months.
I'm sure Thursday will inspire some emotions as the paperwork portion of the relationship draws to a close. Do something fun for yourself, get out and be with friends.
Take care of yourself and stay in touch.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Well it is done. I have to admit that I am relieved as I had been fighting for the M the whole time. My advice to all newcomers is when they walk away...Completely go no contact and don't look back.
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
I am glad to hear that you got some relief from the end of this process. I hope you can continue to build on the process you have made and become the best version of yourself.
Take care.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
