After BD I did all the usual things that all of us on here probably did. I begged and pleaded, promised to change (be more affectionate, take an interest in him) and initiated intimacy. I made him do MC (we lasted 3 sessions). This went on for 3 - 6 months (before he moved out). Everything only pushed him further away. And I obsessed, and couldn't sleep, and lost weight, and became a shell of a person.
When this started he was angry and unhappy. He did not know why. And as I pushed him for an answer, as I begged and pleaded with him to work on our R, that anger and unhappiness began to take a physical shape, and that shape was me.
It took me another six months to start to get myself back. I was healthy again, I was smiling and laughing. The world seemed more vivid. And I was OK. I read everything I could on MLC and it was all pointing to patience, not applying pressure and as long as I kept a small candle in the back of my mind, he would come back. I was OK because I was getting on with my life with the small grain of hope that he would come back.
Today is a new day. There is only a sliver of hope left. I know it is a marathon and not a sprint. But we crossed another line over the last few days and I have already drawn and crossed so many lines in the sand. So, I am going to get my kids ready for school and myself for work. I am going to the gym at lunch and after work. I might go see a movie.
My H is coming to take them to school this morning and is dropping me off at the train station as I am going to go out for dinner tonight and will probably not be able to drive home from the station. Note: I asked yesterday, and he happily agreed to babysit tonight as I am going to meet a friend for dinner (I am not - and I don't know why I told him I was).
What I am looking for - comfort from someone, anyone, that I have the strength to carry on.
DJV - Yes - the taking so much interest in the kids leaves me with mixed feelings. Moving out made him miss the kids and he knows that he can't take them for granted. I can't fault him for that, as much as it kills me to watch him be the father I always wanted him to be.
