ok, I have been sitting and thinking. This is my first day back at work since everything was finalized and I did pretty well for half of it.
I absolutley LET my emotions have the reins. I KNOW I can't do that, that is what I have spent all of this time trying to train myself not to do.
THANK ALL OF YOU THAT REACHED OUT TO ME.
I thought I had progressed beyound those feelings. I believe dfb is absolutely correct. If that is what I wanted I would have figured it out by now.
Obviously since I haven't, it isn't what I want and I need to figure out what it is I want that is in my capability of doing.
It scares the h*ll out of me thinking of having to support myself. I don't have a college education, I don't have a good paying job and the future looks fairly bleak. Definitely no room for fun in it, at least if it costs anything.
But one thing I do have is friends. David really doesn't have friends. He is a loner so that probably isn't real important to him. J is also a loner and doesn't have hardly any friends either.
To me friends are VERY important.
I know I was very unfair to all of my friends here and they all mean so much to me, that I am very upset that I let the emotions gain control today.
I hope tomorrow is better. I KNEW this first day back at work would be rough and it is. But it has to get easier.
I should have posted this morning that I was concerned about getting through my first day back at work and maybe I would not have ended up so down.
Trust is an unconditional surrender to a knowing deep inside yourself that everything is all right, exactly as it is. The outcome is immaterial.
Sage
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
