Ryan your situation is pretty much identical to what I recently went through, textbook WAW. My wife was indeed having an EA with a coworker, not to say I wasn't neglecting her needs, wasn't listening to her, wasn't validating her feelings, I accept that I was't being a great husband after 10 years of marriage. I did the old beg and plead thing at first, I think it's natural. Then I started reading, not only the boards here but other things, learning about my situation, and putting a plan into action to save my marriage. I straightened out, GAL, lost 20 lbs, and gave her the space she needed. I know how you feel about maybe this gives the wrong signals and it might push her further away, but it didn't for me. I was friendly, kept contact to a minimum and spoke to her as necessary (we have kids), listened to her when she was willing to talk, didn't push her when she wasn't. At first I had to pretend, it was really hard, I sought some IC which helped me a lot. There were many frustrating days for me. After some time pretending, I started to feel it, I started to realize that I was a worthy person, I forgave myself, tried harder to love myself, and I disconnected emotionally. I knew in my heart I was a better man than her coworker, after 11 years together truly she valued me far more than someone at work, I am the father of her kids. I had to go through a bit of a break down, but I hit a point where I was OK on my own. Suddenly she started to come around, yes it was a bit rocky, but she seemed interested in perhaps saving our marriage. Things are going quite well for us now, rather than simply loving my wife, I am "in love" with her, I love being around her and spending time with her, she's feeling the same towards me and showing it, the EA has ended, I never brought it up with her extensively, I only let he know I was aware after snooping in her phone, she was super mad about that, but for me it was the right thing to do, make her aware that I knew, she brought it up off and on especially when she was pulling back from it, and when she talked about it I never asked questions, pried, accused, was angry, I couldn't change it and I wanted my wife back and it is what it is. So keep your head up, GAL, love yourself, and others will love you. All the best.
