Reaching for Trust

[TripleJ]

I do not know what I can do other than apologize and say again, that will be the last time I post anything like that.

Pam,

I have not posted to you before, but I feel compelled to.

I am wondering why you would not post anything like this again? You obviously have some things on your mind and all these feelings and thoughts are coming to a head, and have made you think in a way that is destructive not only to your efforts at DBing, but are construed in a way that are destructive to your life. This BB is supposed to be used for support. One of the many avenues to use when you need help. But this BB can only be used for so much. I am glad, in a way, you posted what you were thinking here. It produced immediate results for you.

I will agree that this is no way of thinking and that ending it all by your own hands unnaturally is WRONG! But by all means, I for one hope and pray for you when you do feel this way.

I want you to know that I have experienced someone very close to me commit his own death. I was 20 feet away from him when it happened. And I WAS POWERLESS over the sitch. I could not stop it. And it STILL pains me today when I thin about it. But what I wouldn't give to have 30 seconds before it happened. Things may be different.

I think that is why so many people are angry over what you even mention here. But the fact remains that you did reach out for help by posting, which in my book, is a good thing. You did not go to actions, but reached out for help. Yeah, its a crappy thing for your friends to experience and hear, but if they were your friends, they would help you. And shame on them if they turn their back on you.

I will also say that many people have put time and effort in aiding in your journey to happiness. It gets frustrating at times to see you not be happy, and like many here have said, this is by your own hand here. You do need to do things that make you happy, we can not control it.

All these people who have posted to you since you mentioned ending it all are your friends. They immediately came to your rescue. Do you expect them to have kind words in this sitch? I bet not.

But the most important thing here is you. Its all fine and dandy to apologize, but will that stop you from having these thoughts again? So you won't post about it anymore, but will this stop you from thinking these things?

Bottom line Pam, we are your friends. We are here to help. But there is only so much we can do. If you have these feelings again, don't waste your time posting here on the BB.

GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!

Use the hotlines. A counselor, whatever. Most, if not all, the people here on the BB are not trained or knwoledgeable to handle these words.

Whether you know it or not, you ARE a worthy person to walk the face of this earth. You deserve to be happy, but no one is going to give it to you. Go out and get the happiness that is yours. Its right around the corner.

Hugs to you Pam!

Triple J