I am still following. Seems like you are starting to get the hang of validation and boundaries. That and your GAL seems to be helping with some confidence. I am proud of you.
I am less concerned with him and his reactions tho. Sure he is noticing and jealous. I know others see this as a positive because it proves he cares, however I personally put much less stock in it. Him "caring" does not mean that he is doing the right thing or even will do the right thing. The fact is, he had an A while you were pregnant and is now on his second A, and he also doesn't show any remorse. These are the facts.
I don't see how holding on to hope or measuring what some think is success is helping you move forward towards detachment. This is not a game to win, but this is your life and the life of a precious little girl.
I want to revisit what Ginger posted to you the other day. Let's please not gloss over this because it is painful to read. DB is not to win or trick him back. It is for you, so that you can let go of a toxic person and heal yourself. You can hope that one day he will change, show remorse, and recommit to the M. Please don't let your hopes get in the way of growth and detachment. You have to let him go first.
I feel comfortable saying this and agreeing with Ginger. My H did not have 2 As, he had 1. My H showed remorse and accountability, even while he was gone. We have been piecing for 3.5 years and I still cannot tell you if I will ever forgive him and feel as strongly about him. He has done the hard work and I still struggle with respect. I see what my H (and your H) did as the worst thing you can do to your W and kids. My personal values didn't change by him coming back to me.
I think you are so far from any of that yet. I think his jealousy and crappy comments are not positives. I think it demonstrates his immaturity and inability to have any accountability. I actually see these as more red flags!
I think I have said this before, but I do think you H will come around at some point. What I believe matters more, is what kind of man do you want to be married to and raise your daughter with? I don't think it is this guy here. I think step one, more than looking hot and smelling great to attract him, is letting go of him. Focus on you, girl. Please. You deserve so much better than what your chasing. You can't even think about winning someone until he shows you a man that is worthy of you.
Blu
FROM GINGER:
Quote
I have been wanting to post so much to you, but I've been incredibly busy moving. I have a lot to say, but I'll start small.
To me, men who cheat on and leave their wife while they are pregnant are disgusting to me. Absolutely despicable. I am sorry, short of addictions and abuse, there is no plausible reason to do something so disgusting to the mother of their child.
I read your posts and you are trying to employ some sort of tactic or pretzel yourself to become exactly what he wants so that he will drop his AP and come home to you. You are only concerned about what response your actions will yield.
Not for nothing, he should be begging his way back in. Begging for forgiveness. And you are so worried about doing right by HIM.
There was a poster here who's H left during pregnancy of their first child for AP. They did end up reconciling and going on to have 2 more kids. I have been friendly with her off this site for years now. She STILL has a hard time with forgiveness of what he did. But I will tell you, he only came home not because of tactics, or anything else. She lived her life for her and her daughter. She made herself the best self she could be. She didn't do it for him though. She did it for her.
You need to just become and act the way you want to be without concern for the results it might produce in him. If he is worthy of you, he will drop OW and work his butt off to be a partner to you and a father to his child.
You need to stop worrying about if what you do or don't do drives him back to OW. If he is worth his weight as a man, he will make the right choice. Right now, you be the best you that you can be for you and your baby. That's it.
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
