Husband cheated, left, trying to DB 6

[Ready2Change]

Homework time:

I wish I could have a “deceits gotta stop” convo with my H, but I’m not in the position to do that right now. Hopefully if we ever get there, I’ll rehearse it and not trip on my words like I do now.

Wishing isn't a plan. You steer clear of the emotions by thinking thru the issues. Calm, cool and collected. I would combine a hard legal stance and hardline confrontation, with loving detachment, GAL, 180s and working on my own issues.

I took the libery to DRAFT up a template (Link) for you to tweak and practice:

H, I know you have many legitimate complaints about my role in the dysfunction in our marriage. I acknowledge that, and as you know, I am working on my issues. Just know I cannot respect your decision to cut-and-run like this, and I damned sure can't respect your decision to involve a 3rd person in our marriage. (at this point he will try to stop you, and lie to you). Put your hand up in the "stop" position, and say "Please stop --we both know you're lying to me right now, so let me finish.

(look him dead in the eye) If you choose to end our marriage this way, I ABSOLUTELY will not be your friend. (PAUSE) I realize that I cannot control you and I have no desire to. I want us both to be happy. I think we may both regret this someday if we don't do everything we possibly can to save our marriage.

"Here is what I need in my marriage___________, ___________, _____________, and________________. If you can't respect that then I have decided that I can't be married to you."
The blanks are the non-negotiable issues. "I won't share you with another woman."Joint decisions on how we spend our money." "open and honest communication"

If Divorce is THE ONLY WAY for you to be happy, I will not stand in your way.
I do love you, but I won't be made a fool."

And then walk away.



I believe what I put above works. Here are some more alternative statements I considered:

I have made it clear that I will not share you with another woman. You tell me that you are ending it. I'm not a fool, I do not have any reason to believe you.

If you are telling me the truth, I see many solutions to our problems.

Whatever is going on with this girl, it needs to stop immediately if you want any type of relationship with me.

I also need to be clear with you. Until I know for absolute certainty that you are telling me the truth, I have no choice but to continue protecting myself.

What are you willing to do to change my mind?

If he tries to deny OW, say "Please stop lying to me. It's incredibly disrespectful to me and to our marriage. When you're ready to speak to me honestly, we can continue the conversation. As for the legal stuff, I think that would be best if we left that to our attorneys."



You then need ways to verify these issues. Transparency: access to each others e-mail, FB, cell phone etc. Weekly discussions about your finances. Find solutions that work for you.

Any thoughts?