Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can

[peacetoday]

Hi

Hang in there

I could not depend on XH for anything before he left
I did my best to walk on eggshells around xh moods and crazy behaviors
it was difficult because I couldn't get any validation or help and we had 2 kids invoilved
so everything was on me
after time and especially after the D, XH remarried and I let go
letting him go was the best thing I did
its been over 10 years and xh has only disappeared and gotten worse-


Its not your fault and there is no way to reach them..they are in MLC, and many are addicted to substances ect


after the D, you may find more peace
you will find ways to deal with her craziness, and not get as affected
and most of all to take care of yourself

[marina7]

Kyh,OneArt,Peacetoday and DnJ and everyone who give me
Great advice on here. I truly take all advice as I
Don't have the answer to this craziness.

Well s9 getting better. As we thought it was chicken pox I think
Hives or he at something and had allergic reaction. Who knows but
my baby is better. So I am happy to just see my kid's healthy and ok

Well nothing much over here, just taking it a day at a time.
I of course sent the GAL a email about how W refusing to
Work with me for our kids activities and how W does house separation

If many here knows my story W has s10 I have d10 and s9 I am fighting to
Get s10 back so sibilings can be together. W in beginning when
Court made W to have kids every other weekend the first 2 month s10 would not be
With W s10 would be at uncle or MIL when s9,d10 over now they told W this was
The point of kids seeing each other. And being together until judge and GAL does
There investigation or process.

Now W has s9 and d10 playing video games and s10 in another room playing cards
This is some examples of W logic. I have brought this up to GAL.

This is some of the crazy things W done W is stubborn doesn't want
To listen to anything anyone has to say.

This is usually W very stubborn and hard headed.

I have to learn not to let W frustrate me.
I just see kids hurting
D10 last night was hugging me, d10 said she hates going to W house
I let d10 talk while painting her nails btw something I never did with my d
I was more of a dad with them I learned in this last year and 7 months
To YouTube to do hairstyle for d, to do different designs on nails to bake.

I love to cook but not bake. But that was one thing they did with W
So I learned so they can keep baking.

D10 says mommy W house is not home.
I listen. D10 feels they are just a bother to W.

And W hates them.
I said well tomorrow is therapy let's see what your therapist thinks.

I said d10 I don't think W hates you Trios. W at the moment doesn't
Know how to love herself.
I then explained do you love yourself alot
D10 yeah.
So you love me then
D10 of course mommy

M, So if you didn't love yourself could you still LOVE me
D10 No
M, Exactly mommy at the moment doesn't love herself.
D10 yeah she doesn't love herself W is always sad. And doesn't talk
Much to us.
M yeah am sorry you three feel sad but I know I love ya to the moon and back.
D10 your awesome mom

Thank you, let's see how this weekend goes.

[marina7]

Journaling,

Yesterday was not a good day for drop off,

As many know I keep kids busy with activities for school.

D10 and s9 had a program from 6:30 till 8:30 pm
Which W knew W has there scheduled

I received a nasty text at 7pm where my kids
I replied today was this activity

Well my lawyer said not to do anything without judge stamp

Well I wasn't going to stop d10 and s9 from being kids
I send a text again giving W the address where kids are
Which was 5 min from W was. I encourage W to come

W said Nope and wrote plenty of horrible things

After kids get ready and done I meet at drop off

W calls where you at. I reply here.
W says no you bring them to my home NOW.
I said nope. Sorry we are here.

W finally gets there. W gets out of car looks like
W wanted to fight me. I acted as usual gave kids
A kiss said hi to s10 gave him a big hug and squeeze.

W tells kids get in the car.
I was getting in my car.
W yells next time you are a minute late I am
Calling the cops and getting you arrested.

I turned around and said have a good weekend.
W f&&! You f&&! You
I just drove off

Wow. Like wow I couldn't even drive until I got my thoughts together
Like wow. I am still in shock W looked like she wanted to fight me.

I am not sure what's happening but I sent GAL everything and my lawyer
I stated I feel unsafe with W behavior and W not wanting to
Have kids participate in events because is on W times.

I am now waiting to see what my lawyer thought and GAL

I speak for myself I have done everything GAL ask even before GAL
Was involved I have made sure kids are being kids

I just wonder what is W anger from W is so unhappy

As I told my therapist yes I am scared because W is a Marines retired
W has PTSD I see nothing but evil in W eyes. I have told everyone around me. That
This is not going end up good. W is out of control I worry for our kids

I worry something will happen or even with me. Is scary to see someone
Like that. Nothing but evil in W. Is like I am dealing with Satan.

Is so scary all I do is pray and ask God please protect my Trios
They are my biggest concern.

[peacetoday]

Marina


They are unhappy in their lives
Nothing could change that, not the new job, new relationship, new house or friends or new freedom
or anything else
The unresolved issues of their past and childhood haunt them and they have no way to recover because they don't look for inner help
they look to escape the pain with affairs, alcohol , drugs parties and fun
and that catches up to them and creates a spiral downhill
they look to project the anger on us--so it makes sense to them


As for you- you need to feel safe, and between your L and therapist, I know they can help you find solutions
Her behavior is unacceptable

My XH also had a crazy about him at times
One afternoon he yelled at my 5 year old S, saying he didn't want him causing us both pain

I remember once we went to a group meeting with friends early on in the crises before he left and he took a pack of sugar and made lines likes drugs on the table
They are no longer the same

Keep looking for your recovery
You will find your way out of this-
Just takes time

[Kyh]

Hi Marina,

I think think you handled that interaction really well! Your story was very familiar to me and made me think about quite a few interactions w ex. She used to do things like that too, trying to make it look like I was at fault somehow and trying to keep me walking on eggshells. But she would seemingly blow up for no reason as well. After awhile my ex started doing the same thing/saying the same back to me during our interactions but this was after the GAL decision.

Keep doing what you have been and let her project her anger elsewhere!

Glad you’re all feeling better too!

[marina7]

OneArt,Neffer,peacetoday,kyh and DnJ,Job
And anyone who has been here giving me great advice
Thank you

It's been rough the last couple days.
W monstering I honestly thought we where pass
the monster stage.

If I can post everything W tells me, but I know all
Mlc scripts arr the same.

Lots of blaming again, nothing I see
or do is ever good for W. Which I do things I would
have always done for our kids. Is just tiring how
W twist words around or text basically over and
over again how I keep kids away, or kids are
Disrespectful because of me.

Basically same BS .. is like dejavue witg W last year.

I am just frustrated about the trio's are not together
for good, or W pays the minimum in child support
And when I ask for help W says the $400 is enough
When I really just wanna cry, scream or laugh.

Kids are hurting financially because I am doing what
I can. In the last 1 year and 7 months I have
not purchased nothing for myself. As I have 3 growing
Kids. Every cent I have goes for them. And then I see
W smiling and new clothes and sneakers and traveling
I must admit it hurts.

Now I question and dig down is this my karma what have
I done in my past for me to be going through this pain
Or what have our kids done. I know many will say No is
Not your fault it just feels something I did wrong.
While W has money, house, food ect
I have to penny pinch to make sure every months
Kids and I have a roof and food.

But I will say I have grown from this experience. I once had it
All I thought I was above the world good job, money, traveling
Shopping, eating out. But I also realized and have question myself
Was I really happy. And I wasn't Yes I had it all. But no happiness.

Now am here. Taking it a day at a time, wondering what tomorrow will
Bring. Times are tough yes but I am also blessed I am alive
I have a roof over our head, we have food. My MS has been
under control. I still walk I still can smell the air. I am here.

I also know we LBS are healing. And things will get better for US.

Thank you again everyone

[neffer]

Hey M, be proud of what you are, be proud of where you stand girl.

Don’t expect any logical behavior from W. She must acknowledge her problems and do the work herself. There’s not rational output from some of your interaction. There’s no need to question your position. And you know what is best? Your kids know what you are: you are the lighthouse.

Keep shining!

Sending you a big (((hug)))

[marina7]

Mediation recommended Therapy

So in mediation she recommended therapy
to learn to co parent
But first I meet the therapist to
Tell my side not sure what that means.

I am lost confused
Why see a therapist before so she can hear my side.

The question is I also question that. What happened
I myself don't know.
How do I tell the therapist my side when I don't
Even know

My side.
After spring break an amazing family vacation
W was at dinner table. I ask W put phone up as we
Always have. This time W had an announcement
Mommy and I getting divorced I'll be moving out
While I just sat there in shock and still am.

I am still sitting there like WTF...
W left 2 days after BD. And left us.

2 or 3 month's later W returns taking s10,
While being angry monsters..

As I honestly sit and write this is unbelievable
Will a therapist really believe this happen.
Will I look like the crazy parent.

Wow. I have couple hours before meeting therapist
To hear my side.

Any advice from anyone who been through this.

[Kyh]

I haven't been through that but my advice is to be honest and to try to get therapy from it, see it as an opportunity for yourself instead of worrying. Even though we're dealing w mlc there are a lot of common factors I'm sure the therapist has seen with other varying situations. My Ex went to a half session (she was late) with me once, unloaded and blamed me for everything and promptly left. I kept going to that therapist and at my next appointment she had a quite a bit to say about it and more as we kept meeting. In hindsight I can see she saw a whole heck of a lot in that session. Hope this helps.

[neffer]

Ask DnJ if anything like this can happen...

Just tell your side of the story. There’s no objectivity on our sitches, each of us have our truths.