Finding my way into the light

[Holding]

Thanks, JJ! I'm happy to see you've been updating your thread in the Newcomers Forum. It's a great perspective on piecing that not many people get to see.

Folks, I need some advice on a scheduling issue with the XW.

XW and I each take turns going to dinner with our sons on Wednesdays. When they're with me, she takes them to dinner on Wednesday, and vice versa. It's in the decree. We've agreed via familywizard to move dinners when they conflict with a school or extracurricular event

For about a month now, XW has had this week's dinner scheduled for Thursday. I think she believed there'd be a school event this week on Wednesday. It turns out that there is no school event, so yesterday XW changed her dinner back to Wednesday - without checking with me. I've already made plans for the week (a date on Thursday night), and this will be an inconvenience for me.

So I asked XW to change it back to Thursday, since it's such short notice, and she is refusing to do so. She tells me it was an oversight, it's not short notice, she has a work event Thursday night, and her parents will be in town and would like to take the boys to dinner on Wednesday. She says the decree specifies that our dinners are Wednesdays, and she asked me if I'll be denying her ability to take them to dinner this week.

Let me add that, to accommodate her special plans, I've approved MANY of her change requests - at least 10, including special dinners and birthday parties with her family.

So this is a boundary issue for me. She changes the plans last minute, without notifying me or even asking if it will work with my schedule. She has zero regard for my time. I would not dream of doing this with her.

I think I have 2 options:

1. Tell her no, sorry, I can't accommodate this time. I'll just deal with whatever fallout may occur (her wrath, legal, etc.).

2. Tell her yes, and from now on we will stick to the decree for Wednesday dinners and no exceptions (except for school events) will be made. I'll still go on my date Thursday night, and my sons are definitely old enough to be on their own for a few hours.

Thoughts?