Amoafwl and AnotherStander thank you for your replies.
Wondering what might have happened if we'd tried is my acknowledgement that there were problems in the marriage and that the OW is a symptom of that. It is disappointment I suppose that he is so frightened that it cannot change and that he is not prepared to try to solve the underlying problem at the moment. I know I have to decide when all my hope is gone without being a doormat; I just hope that I will not do it too soon. I can see it's a balance.
Anotherstander, I will take on board your advice and give myself at least a month to see if I am tricking myself into believing it. I am starting to believe that if he looks for reconciliation and I've moved on, that's all on him.
I have to say that this forum and the DB coaching has been a life saver. I was asked to list what I did that was just for me; that put a bounce in my step. Couldn't think of anything. Now I can see that I molded myself to his and the family's needs for so long that I forgot about myself. That is changing and I'm thoroughly enjoying doing what I want to do rather than if someone else approves.
