I worry about this detachment thing a lot, because from the outside it looks like I've given up on us and am merrily building a life without him. I know it was, and will help me heal, but it always felt (feels) like i am pushing him away. In of his issues with me is that i am emotional detached. He said i didnt feel anything. So, to him, my pulling away could be seen as more of the same.
Anyway, I digress. I just wanted to explain that detaching could be seen by him as more of the same and seeing me getting on with my life just gave him permission to see someone else. Deep down I know this thinking is futile. He would havr started seeing people anyway but the thought still niggles at the back, sometimes the front, of my mind. I am going to get back on the Db horse anyway because at least its a plan.
This describes me exactly. It’s a daily worry. Before H moved out, he told me that he saw that I was moving on, and he didn’t blame me. I explained that I didn’t like the person I was becoming, and I am getting on with my life and discovering myself, and I would do so either with or without him in my life, but I hoped it was with him. I told him I thought that 2 people needed to be happy within themselves to work on a happy marriage.
Yesterday when I messaged him I was curious he didn’t ask about the kids, he told me I wasn’t exactly communicative, and I have been very icy since he moved out. He of course put blame immediately on me, and got defensive likes he usually does. I told him I’m not trying to be icy, just giving him his space and was available to talk at any time. Later in the day he said he understood I was giving him space.
So, the more I detach, I feel I give him more reason to move on. I would be grateful for feedback from the vets out there on how screwed up this thinking probably is.
