Detached too far?

[ovrrnbw]

Yorkie,

so sorry to read your story. On a positive note, I love your name. My Mom has always had Yorkies (the dogs), my neighbor has one. Maybe that's not what your name means but that's what popped into my head.

Your H is up and down, back and forth, all over the place. Have you taken any positive steps to re-center yourself? Obviously, after 27 years of marriage, this sort of thing isn't just going away for you emotionally overnight. Still, I think you need to start the work there of giving up what you can control, and living your life the best you can in the ways that you can. The wayward spouse is always going to blame the left behind spouse for everything. Your H says it's your fault, you did this, you did that to rationalize and justify his own wrongdoings. Don't add fuel to this fire. You can tell him the truth if the lies are blatant, but don't get dragged into the muck doing so.

If anything I'm relieved when I don't see him or have contact.

I know this feeling. It's sad that a cheating spouse brings the marriage to this point. I don't think it's normal this early in the process, but everyone is different and that's ok. Emotions may return in time, with work between the two of you. Have you not been connecting well the last few years?

With this and my new feelings, I just wonder if the writing is on the wall. I know I will be fine, but would always wonder what might have happened if we'd at least tried.

Everyone will wonder about this, but in the end, we'll never know. So we go back to putting that energy in the right place and trying to be productive and happy little humans!