I guess this is piecing

[Did]

You guys are right on all accounts. Piecing is hard and I dont even know if we're there yet. W is sharing what OM text her and saying she wants to be completely honest. She won't hide anything from me and isnt being sexual with anyone else. She has told OM2 about her and I in detail... see previous posts about their weird as* relationship in her reporting her sex life to him. So he can touch himself and think of her for whatever unhealthy turn ons he has.

W is seeing the marriage counselor / sex therapist tomorrow. She said she wants to go by herself first because she doesnt want to worry about anything she says affecting me. I want to schedule an appointment for both of us but feel like I should wait until after their first appt....

Usually procedure is couples meet first then each individual but W wanted to meet individually first. I know this therapist is pro marriage so thats a plus. But I cant help being concerned about the outcome of their appointment. How many times can I tell myself something is outside my control?

Mentally I understand everything. Im a smart guy. I should be happy, this is what Ive wanted for so long. But subconsciously Im fighting myself. Ive read a lot and done therapy, I know I have abandonment issues from childhood due to my parents not being able to give me affection after losing children between my brother and I. So I have this anxious attachment thing going on which ends up driving partners away. So I am fighting this hard. Awareness is the first step but fighting my subconscious mind is hard as F.

We have this incredible sex 2 weeks ago. Then she tells me shes going to be hot and cold and she cant be consistent isnt ready to be with anyone mentally. Then distance. Then she gets drunk calls me 10 times, crashes her car gets a ride to my house with random driver, lucky she wasnt raped or got a DUI. BTW - no one has been able to figure out what she hit in her car. Expert said he thinks it may have been a tire from a truck and something hit her at a 45 degree angle down.... I think it must have been something more normal like she went offroad and hit a ditch or hill or something but Im not that expert. Then she comes over we have sex shes screaming my name all this intimate stuff.

Then she opens up tells me all the personal sexual stuff. Showing me sexy pictures, which I cant stop thinking about (FML) telling me I better be ready for next time we sleep together when she has energy. Then she is in a bad place and says she doesnt want to talk about anything serious or sexual until after she sees the therapist. I understand this, its probably smart. But I feel like sht

Detaching would be the best idea. Going to read the detachment thread and some of the original DB stuff. Advice appreciated. Having a hard time keeping my mind off her. Gotta detach I cant let her affect me so much.

Posting has really helped. I know I may sound all over the place myself. But Im pretty consistent, working, parenting, exercising. Im in the best shape of my life and Im a former pro lacrosse player. W has said you underestimate how hot you are. I just gotta back off and let her get her sht together.

Thanks all for the support. Detach, detach, detach. Edit- Actually may be better to focus on being the lighthouse and do a great job at everything else in my life that is not a mess... W knows it already- I have 2 rental properties, a great job, Im a great dad and have everything to offer a partner. Be content with myself and be the lighthouse! (Easier said than done)