Why Keep Hope

[harvey]

I appreciate the thoughts, but I don't think it was anything sinister. I think she was having doubts, moved down there, and then realized distance didn't make the heart grow fonder. My wife's family has a history of divorce. Her Dad left the family when she was one years old. She's only talked to him once in the 17 years that we've dated. Her only Grandparents (since her Dad's parents were out of the picture) got divorced after 25 years of marriage. My wife has been a bit high maintenance and she thinks there should be a Prince Charming that will come along and sweep her off her feet. I always thought it was a bit naive, but in retrospect I wish I had done more to be her Prince Charming.

Hi Harvey, I admit I have only skimmed over your thread, but I saw something in your first post that jumped out at me, causing a few questions. Was this southern state the same one you had initially planed to move to? Does she have relatives or friends there? Did your company pick this state or you?

She has no relatives down there. We've always talked about retiring in the South. We particularly like the Charleston, SC area. Moving to Georgia just got us closer, and we thought eventually my company might make me relocate down there. We thought do it now while the girls are still relatively young.

The first thing I noticed that raised a red flag, is the fact she was there less than a month until she informs you she wants a D. Less than a month! Tell me why a woman would be so anxious to take her kids and move to another state, without her H...…...and four weeks later, is telling him she wants out of the M? I don't mean the excuses she gave about starting school, etc. I'm talking about what was really going on in the relationship.

I think she was having serious doubts about the relationship for awhile. I don't really know why she decided to go through with the move anyways, but I think she finally realized she was happier without me. I obviously failed to read the signs that she was really unhappy.

So, getting personal here..........have there been previous problems in the relationship? Alcohol, drugs, anger issues, problems with in-laws, jealousy,abuse...……..or anything you recognize as being a thorn in the MR.

No. We rarely drink, no physical abuse, no problems with the in-laws, neither of us are the jealous type, no cheating. We did go through a rough spell when our older daughter was very young. She was a difficult baby, we didn't get much sleep, and we argued a lot.

Has there ever been an incident where either of you were guilty of inappropriate behavior with the opposite sex? How about secret friendships, or those that exclude the other spouse? Know of any emotional affairs? Has there been any cheating from either of you?

I have never, nor would ever, cheat on a woman I'm dating--not to mention my W. That's just the way I was raised.I've always trusted my W completely on this issue. If she was having an affair, it doesn't make sense that she'd want to move back home, not stay where she is now or move back to the state we've lived in the last 17 years.

Is your W currently employed, or does she depend totally on your income?

We both make really good money. I make a little more than her. She's also very beautiful, so I don't have any doubts that men have been interested. Maybe I'm being naive, but I've never had a reason to think she's had an A.

Here's the thing, Harvey. This screams of something going on that isn't being discussed (unless I missed it). I understand how the job and other outside stressors can affect a MR. But speaking as a woman, I just feel there is something more going on. Your W's actions don't sound like the those of a logical woman. The puzzle pieces don't fit, and I'm not seeing the whole picture. Am I missing something that has been discussed?