RR stay the course! I know patience is hard, I am the most impatient person on the planet.
But it answer is always the same. Do you want a D? Then go ahead and file and move it forward? If not, then you are not ready. Continue to detach, GAL, and keep up the 180s.
Only you know the answer to your question. But don't do anything out of impatience.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
But it answer is always the same. Do you want a D? Then go ahead and file and move it forward? If not, then you are not ready. Continue to detach, GAL, and keep up the 180s.
Not sure where that came from. Steve, have you caught up in my sitch? I haven't indicated that I am moving any closer to a D. I either miscommunicated something or you misread.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
But it answer is always the same. Do you want a D? Then go ahead and file and move it forward? If not, then you are not ready. Continue to detach, GAL, and keep up the 180s.
Not sure where that came from. Steve, have you caught up in my sitch? I haven't indicated that I am moving any closer to a D. I either miscommunicated something or you misread.
Actually, I was distracted when I wrote that and didn't make the point the way I intended. I should have set it up with: "Many posters struggle with patience, and it causes them to contemplate filing for D when they do not want one." This was in relation to you trying to move progress along.
The overall point was that doing anything out of impatience (whether it is those contemplating D, or those that are starting to show signs of Ring but want to hurry things along) will not be helpful to your sitch. Sorry for the lack of clarity!
Last edited by Steve85; 10/08/1806:52 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi RR. How do you progress things? You keep working on yourself. I know it´s easy to say but...
Patience, but it´s up to you at the end...
I'm not sure I understand. Can you elaborate?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
But it answer is always the same. Do you want a D? Then go ahead and file and move it forward? If not, then you are not ready. Continue to detach, GAL, and keep up the 180s.
Not sure where that came from. Steve, have you caught up in my sitch? I haven't indicated that I am moving any closer to a D. I either miscommunicated something or you misread.
Actually, I was distracted when I wrote that and didn't make the point the way I intended. I should have set it up with: "Many posters struggle with patience, and it causes them to contemplate filing for D when they do not want one." This was in relation to you trying to move progress along.
The overall point was that doing anything out of impatience (whether it is those contemplating D, or those that are starting to show signs of Ring but want to hurry things along) will not be helpful to your sitch. Sorry for the lack of clarity!
Okay, just thought you seemed a bit out of context.
I'm not sure that my motivation is out of impatience. This all seems like a dance and I simply wonder if it is my move. I have been reading about returning my Alpha (which I recommend for all LBSs BTW) and several sources refer to intimacy as being the responsibility of the male. Not just sex, but romantic intimacy, affection.
I kind of feel like at this point, I may have been put in the "Friend Zone".
If stay the course and continue to wait is the proper plan, I can do that.
I have yet to read where it is the Ws job to initiate the next step. IDK
Quote
Hi RR. How do you progress things? You keep working on yourself. I know it´s easy to say but...
Patience, but it´s up to you at the end...
neffer, I realized that I read this the wrong way. I thought you asked, "How do I process things?"
To address your question, I guess I would move closer to W. Test the waters of none sexual physical affection?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
But it answer is always the same. Do you want a D? Then go ahead and file and move it forward? If not, then you are not ready. Continue to detach, GAL, and keep up the 180s.
Not sure where that came from. Steve, have you caught up in my sitch? I haven't indicated that I am moving any closer to a D. I either miscommunicated something or you misread.
Actually, I was distracted when I wrote that and didn't make the point the way I intended. I should have set it up with: "Many posters struggle with patience, and it causes them to contemplate filing for D when they do not want one." This was in relation to you trying to move progress along.
The overall point was that doing anything out of impatience (whether it is those contemplating D, or those that are starting to show signs of Ring but want to hurry things along) will not be helpful to your sitch. Sorry for the lack of clarity!
Okay, just thought you seemed a bit out of context.
I'm not sure that my motivation is out of impatience. This all seems like a dance and I simply wonder if it is my move. I have been reading about returning my Alpha (which I recommend for all LBSs BTW) and several sources refer to intimacy as being the responsibility of the male. Not just sex, but romantic intimacy, affection.
I kind of feel like at this point, I may have been put in the "Friend Zone".
If stay the course and continue to wait is the proper plan, I can do that.
I have yet to read where it is the Ws job to initiate the next step. IDK
Yeah I should have quoted your post.
Look this is a dance, and it is a delicate dance. Pursue and pressure too hard and too fast and she will run the other way quickly. You need to tread lightly. That is where the patience comes in. Maybe you've been friend-zoned, or maybe she is just going very slowly. For lots of reasons. But the lighthouse analogy still stands. You shine the light, she sails towards you. You do not go towards her. The time may come when you do become more aggressive, but you need to take it slow.
Now to your question about non-sexual physical contact. Look up Talk and Touch charges. I think your sitch is to the point where you could try those and see if it sparks a closer connection.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Now to your question about non-sexual physical contact. Look up Talk and Touch charges. I think your sitch is to the point where you could try those and see if it sparks a closer connection.
I just read about this. Without knowing about it, it has been going on already. Especially the Talk Charge part and to a lesser amount Touch.
Last edited by RR17; 10/08/1808:00 PM.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
That’s right RR. Like sailing somewhere but trying not to shake the boat...
Not an easy thing to do that pull-push game. Take it as that: a game. But using your patience and no expectation costume. You know you can do this. You have walked a long way...
Once my W was open to it, I started doing this thing where I would get ready for work, then get back in bed and pull her close to put her head on my chest while I stroked her hair. She loves having her hair played with, so this was perfect. I did that for about 3 weeks and then one morning she initiated sex while I was doing that. Only thing bad thing was I was late for work. LOL
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
