Thank you all for your responses. I havent written because I was actually having a great weekend GAL and it felt really nice. Saturday morning I woke up and told myself I was going to have a good day. I went to the mall with D and my sister in law and niece and nephew and we had a great day. My H actually called and texted a few times, something had happened with his dad and he had to go to the hospital so H wanted to tell me about it and let me know he wouldnt make it Saturday night. He texted me all Saturday night with updates on his dad. I was supportive about the entire situation but not as hands on as I normally would have been.
He texted me Sunday morning asking how the baby was and if he could come see her that night. I went on with my morning before responding about an hour later saying that would be fine. I again, spent my day busy, GAL, having lunch with family and hanging out at my brother and sister in laws house. When he came Sunday night I asked about his dads progress, I made sure to look amazing, and said I had to go. I could tell he was annoyed, he would barely look at me in my outfit and I know he was annoyed by what I was wearing. About 5 minutes after I left the house he sent me a text asking "Are we ready to finalize this"...Another hint of his anger. I responded saying "Youre seeing someone else so clearly you are ready. You should do whatever you need to do."
He said back "thats not what I asked. And that goes both ways". meaning he thinks I am seeing someone else. I told him he can think what he wants. He said he feels that I put his feelings and what he wanted on a shelf years ago. I responded "Im sorry you feel that way. Right now you are seeing someone else. I dont know what you want from me. Im coparenting with you. Finalize whatever you want. Ill sign."
he said he never felt good enough. And that that alone will make him fear ever being with anyone seriously. I didnt respond and then he said, "I hope you find the perfect guy and listen to him when he speaks about how he feels, I really do."
Then he started getting angry and said "when another man comes into this house Im done covering the bills"
I didnt respond. When I got home I went directly into my room and didnt go into the living room where he was. He got up and left. He texted me again later last night informing me of $ he wants to give me this week. I didnt respond. We wont see him tonight because it isnt his day.
I also spoke with my doctor and they prescribed me something to help me with the depression I have been dealing with. So hopefully that will be helpful to me. Something I have been telling myself over and over is to really think hard about if I would even want him back if that became an option. It would be very hard to ever trust him again. He would have so much to prove. I understand what he is saying about feeling like he wasnt good enough and me putting his feelings on a shelf. These are all things he said to me at BD, and ALL the things that I have worked on and that he has stated he sees Ive changed, yet he continues to bring up the past like that, when all im responding is that I will sign if he wants to file. Why keep discussing it?
My stance still stands, I love him. I would love to R our M, but I am not doing that while he is seeing someone. And its not at all acceptable that he is! I have a really busy week/weekend ahead so I am hoping that just pushes me through with no backsteps. Feeling ok on this Monday for the first time in a while.
