Well... that did NOT go the way I thought it was going to go. My H arrived 30 minutes early. Said to me, “you have a few things wrong that we need to talk about so let’s talk.” The woman who lives upstairs is out of the hospital temporarily until she goes into the hospital in mid-October to have a golf-ball sized tumor removed along with 30% of her pancreas. He says that he has told her about my suspicions and that she is open to meeting me. Currently she is quite sick though (can’t eat, morphine) and the slightest bit of stress makes things worse so she wants to wait until after the surgery and then we can meet. The kids did move in with their grandma but hate living with her so had come home this past weekend to be with their mom. They are trying to get the deadbeat dad who has left home to step up but that’s not looking good right now. My H apologized, said he totally understood why I thought what I thought and it is his fault. I told him he should have called me or texted the story but he said he didn’t because he thought that A) I would not believe anything he had to say and B) It was so unlike me that he thought I might possibly be drunk. Yeah, I said, drunk with rage. He then looked me dead in the eye and said, “you have to understand... and I really want you to hear me... I am not out there trolling around looking for someone. That is the exact opposite place from where I am at. I feel like I am dead inside... and I need this time away to try to feel something again. He also said that it would be horribly unfair of him to go out and find someone who is “looking for love” and drag them into this. apologized for calling him names. He’s right... very unlike me. He said that I didn’t need to apologize as feels like a piece of s@&t most of the time anyway and probably deserves it. I asked him what he is going to tell his daughter and he said, he didn’t know. “Maybe that he is on a time out for bad behaviour.” He also told me that he is finally on some anti-depressants and is still going to counselling. So... we talked a bit more... some current event kind of stuff... and then he went back to his place to nap [he said he didn’t sleep last night... that makes two of us] and he will be back to take care of some things around the house. So... that is the latest instalment in the ongoing saga that is my life. I’m pretty sure he is telling me the truth about the family that he shares a place with so I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. I will definitely follow through with meeting her though. 1) Because I need to know for sure and 2) if she truly is just someone that lives upstairs and she is raising these two kids while struggling with this deadly disease (my dad died from the same cancer), I would like to offer my support. It sounds as if she doesn’t have much. My H got quite teary when he described her sitting with a plate of food at Thanksgiving (a dinner he said that just happened and was not planned) and bit being able to eat it because apparently the tiniest amount causes her pain. He says she has gone from 220 lbs to 140 lbs. The hospital sent her home with a bin full of morphine to manage the pain until surgery because she is a “responsible adult” but she apparently rarely takes it because she is worried about becoming addicted so she is in pain. Anyway... I guess not super relevant to my sitch but I do find myself wanting to reach out to her - I’ve lost both my parents to cancer. Maybe I can do that when she and I finally meet in person. Thanks Kiwi and FS for your support. I really, really appreciate it. ((((HUGS))))
