Navigating through and concentrating on myself #6

[Dtrmned]

Thanks Steve.
I always appreciate your input. You always come in with a level head and aren't afraid to call me out.
I realize that I am too attached. I also know that I have detached better and that I feel differently when these things occur. I do know that I will be ok regardless of how my MR ends up. As many have stated, and I fully agree, I do not think we have even the remotest of chances until we are apart. Unfortunately, there is no way to accomplish this without us filing and getting this done. I don't know if she might change her mind during, but given she has been relentless for over a year with wanting this. She is slowly but surely moving her way into her new life. She is trying to cushion it was much as she can. She is not dumb and is looking for her next bridge. I think she is a brilliant manipulator at this point and so far she has had me hang around for her safety/security and any mind temps that she might have along the way just to make herself feel better. I have said this before, maybe the best thing for her is to get out of our MR. She seems to feel this way that getting rid of me is the answer to all of her issues. I know that isn't the case. She may fall into a great new relationship that meets all of her needs including financial. I don't know. I do know that the odds of that are not good. I don't wish her any ill will, just ready to get on with my life and make my kids a stable home. I don't want to be around for the ggw stage and I definitely don't want to be involved when it all crashes.

I am a touch angry at the moment. More angry with myself for putting up with it for so long. For her, it is more of disgust knowing someone has thrown all of their moral codes out, Pity, looking ahead and seeing the very difficult road (I know imaginary, but somethings like work/kids require time that her health and probably her new social agenda will challenge.
And yes, I will say it again, sadness. I am sad where we ended up. That she has chosen her path and it is without me. I can only drop the rope all the way and move forward.