When I left him after the talk this morning I apologised for initiating sex (I know, but I was weak). He said he knew and he was flattered. I told him he should be because i am stunning. He looked me in the eyes and said "Yes, you are". He never looks me in the eye unless he is angry (then it is rage I see) and he never ever acknowledges that i am attractive.
I think i wrote about throwing out all the photos of us when I got home Friday night. I also took down one of those large picture murals from a family photo shoot about 8 years ago. I tried to break it with a hammer but turns out resin is impossible to destroy. I managed to damage a corner of it. It wouldnt fit in the bin so i left it in the garage to take to the tip this week. He has taken it without mentioning anything. It has a chipped corner and in the center is a large photo of the two of us surrounded by smaller pictures of the kids. Why take it?
There were a couple if other things today that makes me think his heart is still here, home with us. i intend to continue GALing and detaching, but days like today give me the strength to keep standing. A fools hope maybe, but hope nonetheless.
