Thank you both for your reply. I know i am not alone with what I am going through and it helps that I can come here and talk.
The kids know what's going on. Their dad lives in a different home. We are, I think, both committed to minimising the disruption to their lives. In order to do this we need to be on an even keel when we are with them. if the first time we saw each other after the other night, then it would be awkward. I see a lot of similarities between my H and other spouses on this forum but the one difference I see is that I know he abandoned me, not the children. Dont get me wrong, in the six months preceding BD and the 6 months after he was a [censored] dad but as soon as he moved out he started to really prioritise them. He told me at the time it was because he realised what was important.
I know I shouldn't have, but I asked him if he was in a relationship with her. He said he didnt know. He'd seen only seen her 4 times. I assume this means about a month. I didnt ask about the sex. He came out with that on his own. Either not to hurt me or because he know i could file on grounds of adultery as he still officially lives on the house - he has not changed his address.
I had decided i would tell him i still loved him before i saw him. I can see where detaching is a positive and necessary thing, but it also gives the impression that we, the left behind, have given up on the marriage. I think its dishonest. I cant expect honesty if i am not being honest myself. So, i said it. I needed him to know the candle is still burning in the window. The initiating sex was pure weakness. I should have left once i had said my piece. But i kept talking because this was the closest we have been since this started. And that's when he came to hug me. An "I am still here for you when you're sad hug". I remembered how much i loved to be held by him. How safe he made me feel. And i crumbled. Has he alept with her. I dont know but i assume so. It doesnt matter. I know it is not about her. He is lonely and depressed and If it wasnt her it would be someone else.
On Sunday afternoons when he has the girls he normally takes the kids to his mums for Sunday dinner. He always asks if I want to go too. The last few times I've said no. I decided to go today. It was fine. We were normal. Like we were before bomb drop. We were nice to one another. Conversation was light. A stranger looking in would think we were a couple.
I am not saying this to indicate that telling him I still love him was a good idea or that he is changing his mind. It was just nice. The kids and i were even singing in the car when he drove me home.
