Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

Wow, hard to believe but in just two days, this Tuesday, I'll have been D'd for a dozen years already. Where does the time go? I would not have known the date had I not looked here - and I'd not have looked here had my ex W's brother and my favorite member of that family not have died a few days ago - of, sadly, stage 4 lung cancer. More on that in a minute. I really have a great life - pretty much everything I've wanted. I'm very healthy, financially set, semi-retired for nearly 9 years already and for the last year mostly only doing band gigs and a few projects. I'm pretty much acting retired this past year. I've had a really great summer, thanks in part to dating and Wild Girl. Still, it's been 12 plus years since I've been in love. Yes, that's in part by my choice but if anything is missing in my life, it's a SO or someone to love me. The rest is near perfect.

Uncle M, as he was known by many, my exW brother, was a great guy and by far my favorite of the family. He helped me greatly during and after the BD with W - his sister. I've not kept in touch with the family other than my step kids and even that R has been less frequent over the years. I've not spoken to or seen my ex w in what might be 8 years. Uncle Ms funeral will be on the date of our D. If that's not ironic. Wonder if exW even realizes? The visitation will be at a newer church 5 minutes from my house - which is 25 minutes from where he lived and I'm out in farm land for the most part. It's odd that it would be so very close to me. I will for sure go. I'm actually totally fine with seeing everyone. I know they will all be surprised while exW will be majorly uncomfortable. Her AP I'm sure will be there as well. They have been married now longer than we were. So much for affairs not lasting huh? I'm still very pssd that I was not told when my X MIL died. That was totally done so exW would not be uncomfortable. Well not this time. Don't get me wrong, I want to go to pay my respects to a man I really did like very much and was great to me. The fact that it will make ex w squirm is just a bonus. My life really is great and it will be so nice to show up looking and feeling great and to see and talk with everyone. If I can somehow drop in hat I've got a 42 year old hottie going on a cruise with me, that will be total icing on the cake.

Speaking of Wild Girl, not much has changed. Today marks three weeks since ive seen her. She continues to respond enthusiastically to texts but we've not had a long conversation about anything. I recieved my new passport on Friday and sent her a pic. She again said she is "really busy" and "feels like she is never home". She said she was going to try real hard to call me this weekend but warned with my gigs and her girls having homecoming plus her working this weekend plus a football/baseball party on Sunday it may not happen. She said "hopefully she can call me on Monday". Something has clearly backed her off. She has always spoken about us being casual - which I'm totally fine with. But at the same time we'd talk for hours several times a week and txt often, including a few sexts here and there. She'd tell her friends about me and think of me often. All of that has ground to a halt for nearly a month now. Still, when we do communicate and when I saw her last, things were mostly normal. That's the odd part - going from before to now. Thing is, what we have now is not all that abnormal for a casual R. If anything the level of intencity before was likely a lot. So, I'm just staying backed off and letting her have space. That's pretty much all I can do, even though I really do miss the connection and communication. So often something will happen or I'll think of something and ill want to tell Wild Girl about it. I really miss that and hope it returns. Even though I've never thought of her becoming a major LTR, I really do see her as a long term friend or FWB is perhaps more likely, but not closing the door that more could happen. I really enjoy spending time and talking with her. It's weird to have gotten along so well every single time we were together, have a strong sexual connection, really enjoy our conversations, and then without ever having a fight or falling out at all, have things cool off so fast. I really just wonder WHY? Why does this happen so often to so many of us? WHY??? I just don't get it. Still, I believe it could all heat up again just as abruptly as it cooled off and still am hopefully we will have our typical great time when we are together for 10 days in January.

I guess it just goes to show, whether a 25 year R or a summer fling, you just never know when someone will change their mind or have their feelings change. I was a bit fearful that it would happen to me, as it has in the past sometmes. At least that didn't happen. Lol. I'll let ya all know how the funeral goes and if I get a call from Wild Girl.