I guess this is piecing

[Did]

Thank you everyone. I really dont think she is buying time. I think shes really Fd up. She has been crying. She got in a bad car accident. She said that she just hurts people is meant to be alone has nothing positive to give the world. Shes in a bad place. She says she is not going to see any other men. She has offered to show me her phone and opened her email on my phone. She is open to sharing each others phones to build trust, her idea to show me hers. She wants to get therapy. Yes she was wayward to an extreme. But she is seeing how unhealthy it was, she knows casual sex feels worse after. She has told me this without me pressing. I found some of this out for myself as well. We both have agreed we want an honest relationship. She says she wont hide anything from me. So if she chooses me and works through things I want our marriage to work as bad as I've wanted anything in my life. Maybe I want it too much. I know

Youre right we are far from piecing. But at least we are both trying.

She hasnt told her friends and family as far as I know. But she says she will. She knows my non negotiables no other partners, no telling OM2 about our sex life or emotional stuff, therapy. OM2 told her to kiss other men and tell him about it. And likes to hear her stories about her and other men. I think this is extremely unhealthy and manipulative. W has always had a thing for guys that are unavailable. I hope the therapist will see me as healthy, strong partner worth building things back and W can commit to that.

Her talking about me and OM2 in same breath bothers me for sure but it doesnt make me sick. Ive been with multiple partners, as many or more than her. Ive had a couple relationships. We have been separated we werent together. But yea it hurts.

Talking about her with other men sexually maybe its because Ive been with other women that I can talk about it? I dont know. She definitely doesnt like hearing or thinking about me with other women.

I feel pretty strong. I definitely get sad and miss her and want things she cant give me at this time. But her saying she doesnt want to see anyone else, shes choosing me. She has talked about future house together. But then she also says if I talk about our future it gives her anxiety.

She is extremely inconsistent. Yesterday early in the day she said she wanted to be romanced because she hasnt had that. Then she asks about my sexual fantasies. Then today she says she doesnt think we should be sexual until she gets therapy because its not healthy for her. Therapy appointment with sex therapist Wed.

She is bringing D4 to me and bringing food, I work 430 - 6. I plan on telling her I want her to be healthy and happy. Id like to say something about being with me when shes a good enough person to deserve me. Friday I did tell her she didnt deserve me after reading emails to OM2 and finding out she was on a date where a guy tried to get in her pants the day before we slpet together 2 weeks ago. Yea shes messed up shes made a lot of bad decisions. And now I think shes feeling the repercussions.

Still I want it all, I want her to sleep over. I want the wild sex but part of me knows I deserve so much better. Maybe I should just say Im not available to you until you treat me well... need to work on the wording there. For my self worth and mental health as well as the whole unavailable attractive thing.

Thanks again all.