My H just left with our kids for the day. I told him I needed him to see the kids more. He was totally agreeable and even asked for a bit more time than what I suggested. We also had a brief conversation about the problem he is trying to fix on our boat. The whole time he is talking, I’m doing my best to listen and quell the emotions that are always close to the surface when I see him. I think I did a pretty good job. I also maintained eye contact with him...looking for signs of indecision or confusion but I didn’t see any. The truth is that he looks happy. How could he look that way in the face of such a mess... after 13 years...gone, like we were nothing...meant nothing. It absolutely breaks my heart to see him like that...looking so content without me. Detach...detach...detach...he is a master and he’s been doing it for four years now. Me, I have a long way to go... Oh, insult to injury, he says... on his way out the door... “You look good.” F^&* YOU!!! Sorry... you haven’t complimented me in years... don’t do me any favours now. Anyway...my wonderful sister is here and we are soon to be joined by an equally wonderful friend so we can cook dinner for their husbands. Preparing myself to be the fifth wheel in my own home.
