So... did not see my H today because our boat flooded and he had to go deal with that instead of the trees... likely happening on Monday now. I am having some friends over for dinner tomorrow and he is picking up the kids at 10 and keeping them until around 8:00. That’s a long day for them. I hope he manages to pay some attention to them. Had a text from my stepdaughter, 18, who lives a couple hours away. She asked if she could come for a visit the first week of November. Of course, I said “yes”. I almost followed it up with a “you and I need to have a conversation first” but I thought better of it. Throughout our marriage, I have handled all communication with her mom because she and my H do not like each other very much and communications with her always caused my H so much stress that it was just easier if I did it. This was part of me “taking care” of him. Trust me... it was NOT easy. I hated talking to her almost as much as he did but I did it for him and ultimately, for my stepdaughter, who didn’t need to be witness to that level of animosity. Anyway... I digress... for the first time since we have been married, I decided to make him step up to the plate and take some responsibility. So... I texted H and advised him that his daughter would be coming for a visit the first week of November and that I expected him to talk to her about our situation before then. He texted back...”I will talk to her - thank you”. Thank you for what?? Anyway... that Angered me.... don’t know why... so I couldn’t help myself... I texted him back “I hope you can be more honest with her than you have been with me.” Radio silence.
Question: Even though my H has been an absentee husband for a very long time... he always managed to see our kids every day... he would just run away most nights before I got home. Since I asked him to leave, he has only seen our kids one night (last Monday) and our son for about an hour on Thursday and then went to our daughter’s belt test. Tomorrow he is taking them for the day but that is because I asked him, not because he asked me. So... my question is, should I be pushing for him to see them more? I was thinking about getting him to see them on Monday evenings (I play in a weekly league that night) and Wednesdays which could be my night to go out and GAL. And then maybe Saturday so they at least see him every other day? He hasn’t approached me for any kind of a schedule... is it pursuit if I push this?
My sister and I were talking about my H’s meltdown and 180 two weeks ago when he was offering to stay home for four months straight just to start to regain some of my trust... and his confessions of feeling so much shame that he doesn’t think he can come back from it, etc... She suggested that he might have, for a moment, actually gotten in touch with his true feelings but that he “doesn’t yet have the ego strength to manage those feelings so he just retreated into his protective shell.” Thoughts??
