Wife is not who I married ... Pt6 pls help!

[RR17]

LW, I get the resentment. I really do. I believe we all do. I also see the value in moving past it. Will it ever completely go away? IDK. I still have days where suspicion and resentment show their ugly heads. These days are fewer and farther between. Why? I believe time plays a role but so does the changes in my sitch. As Rose has pointed out in my sitch, actions speak louder than words.

These WW/WAWs take a lot out of us. They might also even save us from ourselves, too. Think about the good that has come from your sitch. You've lost how much weight? Grown closer to S. Recharged your self-esteem. These changes are huge. I believe you are exploring addressing your Control issues. BTW, I had/have them too. I keep saying: We must learn to love in such a way that the other person feels free. I believe this has been my biggest lesson. I see it in other's relationships all the time. Detachment is the way.

I'm glad that you see value in my words. I'm not one to hand out participation awards. IMO, they are not only unhelpful, but they are also hurtful. If I seem hard it is because I see the urgency. I also see a change in your W. Show her a way back and you will have control. When she sees you as an attractive option, a changed person, then you will see changes in her. Then and only then will you be in a place where any flutters will return. At that time you will be in a place where you can decide how you want to proceed. There will still be much work to be done.