Scared but determined

[Twofeet]

Don't think about what he is thinking it's a cheeseless tunnel. My wife is a rollercoaster and I sometimes have a hard time staying off that ride. When I get invested in the what's and the why's I just end up emotionally 2 steps back. If he feels guilty then good, he should feel guilty, he did this not you. His guilt is not your problem.
My W has gone through phases of depression through our marriage. She says she has high functioning depression and tries to use change to elevate her mood. I feel like it's grass is greener syndrome. There have been plenty of signs this year of this happening and unfortunately my inadequacy truly recognize this, to address this, or help her address this feels like she is turning this on me and our marriage. This is the next big change to get her out of slump, make her feel alive, seeking something better to make her happy. I could be wrong, but after doing some self reflection this is the narrative that makes the most sense.
My point is you need to make yourself a satisfied happy person. You can't make your H happy only he can do that. If he stays miserable forever then it won't matter because you will improve. DB will help you move on with or without. We don't want our WAS back we want the memories, the comfort, the security of our spouses back. We want the good times back, we want the reciprocated love back. Unfortnatley, I am realizing there is no going back only forward. Read the lighthouse story. Be the lighthouse.