Hi Kech. I just joined the forum and have read all of your threads. I want to thank you for being so open about your struggles and send you some words of encouragement and support. I feel like you and I are in a similar position although my kids are older and I don’t yet know if there is an OW. I suspect there is someone out there somewhere (EA or PA) occupying his time in some way. He swears up and down that is not the case but he has proven that he is a fantastic liar so I am getting used to the idea so that if/when it is confirmed, it won’t be such a big blow.
I, too, struggle with the idea that I have made things easy for my H. When I allow myself to think of how long he has been lying to my face, I start to get in touch with the anger I have over his selfishishness and cowardly ways and it almost scares me. I want to scream at him and tell him all of my worst thoughts but I have my kids and I owe it to them to try to GAL and move past this in the most dignified way possible so that they can continue to have a good relationship with their father and not feel caught between the two people they love most in the world. Right now it is taking every ounce of determination I have but I have faith that, in time, it will get easier. The one thing I want to say to you is not to get too caught up in your H’s anger. I think his anger is indicative of a conflicted mind and a guilty conscience and has nothing at all to do with you. Who knows what goes through their minds. I saw my H tonight and he seemed like he was doing so well yet two weeks ago he was asking to come home and telling me how sorry and ashamed he was and that he would stay at home all winter if only I would let him come home (not once did i tell him he couldn’t). In hindsight, I should have told him no and that he would need to work towards it by coming to counselling with me or something like that. But... I was just so happy at his sudden change of heart, that i reassured him that we could get through it together and gave him all kinds of positive affirmations that I think just scared him back into his original decision to run away from me. Navigating the crazy is just so difficult... feels like I need to be one step ahead yet I am always one step behind. Really wish I had found this forum earlier but there is no way to go back so I will just do better going forward.
Anyway... I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and sending you all kinds of positive thoughts. I think you are doing really, really well and that you have disrupted your H’s mindset by doing what you have been doing. Good for you!! Keep it up!!! And do not give that OW a second thought. She has nothing on you. The first OW did not either. They are both just a way for him to distract himself from his own conflicted mind and know that while you are getting stronger, his relationship with OW is getting weaker... guaranteed!! The more his mind is occupied with thoughts of you and wondering what you are doing, the less time/space/energy he has in his mind and heart for her. Trust the process. I have no doubt you will be in a much better place six months from now and an even better place six months after that... with or without him. ((((HUGS))))
