Thanks for the reminder Steve. I have only had one conversation a day since he left. The first three were initiated by me and were about the kids/house and were "to the point". The last one was initiated by him and I guess I probably let it go for too long because it was unexpected and it seemed to me that he was trying to please me by getting some things done that I previously would have had to "nag" him about. I did not answer immediately which is very strange for me because I answer all of my texts immediately if I am free and he knows that. With him I have honestly been delaying my responses and they have been as short as I can possibly make them... also, very unlike me. It is a work in progress and I, for one, have never been afraid of work. Like I said previously... doing the right, and usually the hardest, thing has always been my MO... something both of my parents instilled in me from an early age. "Nothing worth having comes easy." So... as painful as this is right now, I know that I will, in my own way, come to embrace the pain and the discomfort because I know that it is a sign that real change is coming... and I know it will be a good change regardless of whether or not my H and I remain together.
This is only day six of him having "moved out" [although he has yet to come and get any more of his things] but it feels like an eternity to me. There are so many times I just want to pick up my phone during the day and text him random thoughts and observations which is our habit as we have similar senses of humour and both of us work with teenagers (he is a teacher and I am a counsellor) but I don't... and he doesn't. I hope this is as much of a "disturbance" to his pattern as it is to mine but I know that I can't worry about that as this is really the time I need to focus on me and let him go to walk whatever path he needs to take. I have known for a long time that my H has "issues" - even before this WAS behaviour - and that likely there would need to be some sort of therapy or soul searching in his future. I just did not think that he would need to leave me and our life together in order to do it. But he has... and he does... so I am working on letting him go with love and facing my own fears head on.
I have read and re-read a lot of advice on here and I so appreciate other peoples' stories and hearing about LBSs who have gotten through this experience and the lessons they have learned along the way. I am also exceedingly grateful to the people who, even though they have moved past this stage of their lives, still check in to pass on their advice and wisdom that can only come from having walked the walk and talked the talk. A million thanks... it is helping me immensely and I feel like I am miles ahead of where I would be right now if I had not found this BB.
Tonight is my daughter's TKD belt test and both me and my H will be there. A great opportunity for me to take a step forward towards my ultimate goal of detachment. If anyone has some last minute advice, I'd appreciate it. I will be sure to report back tonight on how it goes.
