Husband cheated, left, trying to DB 5

[Ready2Change]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1642563#Post1642563

Here is what is working for me:

1) FORGIVE everything W has done / is doing. This is MY CHOICE. I can choose to resent what she is doing, or let it go and forgive her. This is a huge weight lifted off of me. What she chooses is HER choice. It is MY CHOICE how I let it affect me.

2) PATIENCE - My understanding is there are 4 stages that every couple goes through. W is in stage 3. I have put my need from W completely hold. I want to give to W unconditionally for the rest of the relationship. I have faith that W will have a change in heart. I am not her enemy.

Stage 1 : ROMANTIC LOVE - Both partners ignore all the BAD in the other partner and see only the GOOD.

Stage 2 : POWER STRUGGLE - Each partner "keeps score" and resentment builds up.

Stage 3 : DISPARE - Both partners are unhappy with R. One partner cracks and wants out.

Stage 4 : TOGETHER AT LAST - Both partners have forgiven each other for issues of the past. Some people never make it here. If I am patent, I have a better chance of making it to stage 4 with W.

3) PERSONAL GROWTH - During this period away from W, I have been "looking in the mirror" and working on all my issues. I read all I can. I am FIXING all my bad habits. This will need to continue for the rest of my life.......

4) LIVE in the NOW - The past is gone. Remember and learn from it, but I will not let it control me. The future is not here, so I can not worry about that either.

5) Do work : Keep busy taking care of ME, Bills, kids, etc....

6) BALANCE: Find balance in everything. I need time alone, but also need time with kids, as well as interactions with other adults. Rest/Work/Play/Exercise.

7) EMPATHY / VALIDATION : My W has her issues. I can empathize with her, but not take it personally. I can also validate how she is feeling (This shows that I DO CARE).

8) DETACH EMOTIONALLY: It has taken awhile, but I do not let W's emotions affect me. It is my choice to be happy with or without her. If she is angry, I do not let that affect me....

9) self fulfilling prophesy - When I interact with wife, I expect her to be nice. Guess what.....

10) 100% INTENTION : I can control my thoughts, words and actions. I intend on getting to stage 4. Every interaction with W will either bring us closer or push us farther apart. I intend on drawing us closer.