I'm glad you took a few days away from the board, b/c sometimes it can consume too much of our time. It's funny how there is a certain tone or vibe of the poster's shot of self value or confidence when he really begins to let go of the WW drama and puts action to having a life without her. Maybe some people think we are speaking of have a lifetime apart from her...…..but I am saying that he needs to take hours apart from her, then take days, and weeks, etc. He will begin to see that life goes on, in spite of the drama his WW tries to throw on his spirit. He must refresh his own inner being, It's comparable to the plane passenger grabbing the oxygen mask for himself, before he is able to save anyone else. I like using the example of trying to save a drowning victim. Especially if that victim doesn't know how to swim, she is in so much panic that she's not going to work with you in order to save her life. She's grabbing at you and pulling you under the water. She will drown you, if you don't break away and swim to save your own life.
Happy birthday, and congrats to you for celebrating with your kids.....away from the house. That was a good decision to remove you and the kids from that environment for celebration. It is difficult to laugh, and enjoy celebrating when in the presence of someone who is clearly not along to have a good time......or if they try to keep everyone's focus on them and how they feel. Even when that person is dealing with physical issues, it can bring a level of guilt for for the rest of the family who tries to celebrate and have too much fun. Know what I mean? In other words, the family has been trained to just go through the motions of celebrating an event......but always taking in account of your W's health. Listen, I've been there! I've been there as the one who lives with chronic pain, and I've been there as a family member of one who has the serious health problems...….so I know how it affects families. I know the guilty feelings from both sides! Anyway, good for you and the kids for making this step to continue enjoying the blessings of being alive.
Quote
In the dark, out of nowhere she said "I hope you and the kids had a good dinner and I hope you had a good birthday". I just said "We did and thank you". I don't know why she said it, why she waited until the last possible moment, or what, but I thought it a little funny. I acknowledged her statement and went to sleep
Absolutely perfect response!!!
Quote
The last thing that happened was the hardest for me to control. She came down one evening out of the blue. She had gone up to take a shower. It is getting darker earlier so it was dark outside. She came in the room wearing her short silky robe. She started to tell me about an issue with one of our children that had just happened. She did not sit in her usual spot, but chose to sit directly across from me. It was really tough not to stare at her as I haven't seen her that way in a long time. We talked, I listened, validated gave a little input on our child. She seemed to drag it out a little longer than she should. It was tough, but I controlled myself, my words and my actions.
Good job!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
