I get the feeling you are not doing your homework. If you did your homework you would begin to find your footing and feel empowered. What are you reading? Are you keeping a gratitude journal? You are in a spiraled mindset because you are constantly focused on the OW. You can't do anything about that... not a damn thing. Let it go. You need to focus on what you can control - that's you and you interact with your H.
The way you handled yourself at the beginning of your H coming over was a disaster, BUT the way you handled the texts at the end... excellent and on point with validation!
Your H made the comment that if you had been 1/2 this way before he wouldn't have left. NOW, that's not to lay blame at you for his choices. Your take away should be - he is noticing that things could be different. That's a good thing. However, a negative interaction at the house will set you back... way back. Your H will be like, oh, this is just temporary to get me back.
Remember, part of their anger is their confusion that you are suddenly different and why weren't you this way before and this is just temporary... they need to see consistency over time. Of course, he knows your disgusted by his behavior and you have said it out loud.
Now, the hard steps.... if he if indeed coming over to watch D while you have plans make sure you make a simple statement that you appreciate his ability to be available tonight. Keep it positive... upbeat. Smile and look good.
Remember successful DBer's do their homework!!!!
Practice several times today before he comes over the statement of appreciation so that when he arrives it feels natural and you don't let you emotions accuse him of drinking when you said yourself... he clearly was not.
I get your pain.
But, if you want to see your power you are going to have to let some things go....
