Navigating through and concentrating on myself #6

[Dtrmned]

Good Morning DB Forum.
I have intentionally stayed away from posting this week in an attempt to detach more and not contemplate everything in life and my MR every day. This was a very busy week with GAL, work, kids, etc. So it was good. Nothing has improved, other that I would say my mood and my detachment. I went out with a friend for dinner a few nights ago and it was great. We didn't talk about my sitch, just visited, watched a game and had a little fun. other than that, it was all work, working out and doing my thing. All in all a decent week. For what its worth, I think yesterday was the first time in over a year that I actually felt like my old self. I had great energy and just had an overall great outlook on life. I was out early so I don't think my W had the opportunity to see that, but it really wasn't for her. it was just amazing to feel the way i felt. I know i am bounding back and I will be ok regardless of what happens with my MR.

Small synopsis of what has happened this week that I noticed.
W has had a rough week health wise and hasn't gone anywhere. She is short tempered with the kids, and not unpleasant, just tired and seems aggravated easily. She still isn't going anywhere or doing anything. I had a bday a few days ago. Took the kids to dinner. They got me (W did of course) a card each that they signed and they got me a present. Dinner was good. W declined to go (whether this was health, food or just didn't want to do it, I do not know and did not press) I simply invited her, she declined and we all left. Weirdest part of the day was in the evening, we were in bed and we went to turn in. I shut off the lights and said goodnight. In the dark, out of nowhere she said "I hope you and the kids had a good dinner and I hope you had a good birthday". I just said "We did and thank you". I don't know why she said it, why she waited until the last possible moment, or what, but I thought it a little funny. I acknowledged her statement and went to sleep

We have chatted a few more times than usual this week and even talked on the phone instead of texting. I had a few driving times that prevented me from texting so that was the reason, but they were pleasant conversations about the kids/dinner/health/house etc.

The last thing that happened was the hardest for me to control. She came down one evening out of the blue. She had gone up to take a shower. It is getting darker earlier so it was dark outside. She came in the room wearing her short silky robe. She started to tell me about an issue with one of our children that had just happened. She did not sit in her usual spot, but chose to sit directly across from me. It was really tough not to stare at her as I haven't seen her that way in a long time. We talked, I listened, validated gave a little input on our child. She seemed to drag it out a little longer than she should. It was tough, but I controlled myself, my words and my actions.

Outside of that, My A is drawing up the proposal for me. I don't know how I will proceed, but believe that I need to get this done and have a meeting with my W to discuss the terms of our D. I still do not want a D, but see no way that our MR can survive this way and the limbo part is killing me. I am not doing this to shock her back into a new MR, I am doing this for myself and my kids. They don't deserve this and neither do I.

As always, input is GREATLY appreciated. I have worked diligently these past couple of weeks to keep out of any argument or fight and that has worked. I haven't been a doormat but have been polite, cordial and just done my thing. I still miss her dearly every day but I know I cannot allow her to dominate my thoughts.