This is the first I have heard of a child going NC or dark with a parent. Can you be more specific?
L, I work nightshirt. WW, wants to be a “ concerned parent” so she stays at home with D14 when i work. D14 is mad at her, so there is no communication between them. WW reasoning, “if she doesn’t want to talk to me, then i won’t talk to her”. D14 just stays in her room, al night, til i come home or she’s ready to go to school.
Originally Posted by sandi2
If the IC is unaware of the details of D14 catching her mother in bed with OM, and her mother wanting her to lie to cover it.........then the IC may need a heads up as to why WW is not reliable or cooperative in mending fences with D14. As I said yesterday, eventually this may turn into family therapy, b/c the entire family is affected by the WW's actions. Currently, it seems the IC may have to help D14 without mother's involvement.
hi sandi. back at you with the hugs.
am the one that caught them in bed, but D14’s room was just steps away from ours, so she heard everything.
when WW hangs out with POS or drops by the house, these are the things that WW asks D14 to lie about. D14 is also a witness on some of WW’s waywardness with POS. Hence D14 feels that she contributed to the sitch, because she lied to me, and hates herself for it.
i already told IC that WW is having an affair. maybe, i need to explain further in how WW wants D14 to accept that what she’s into is acceptable and once D14 opposes, WW skins out of control, and starts the yelling and screaming.
my dilemma is, do i tell it myself to the D14’s IC or just let D14 say it herself?
Originally Posted by sandi2
You can do what you want, of course, but it is risky whenever the LBH starts sharing his thoughts or decisions with his W's friend. This friend is passing along to you the things WW has supposedly said about the stitch. Then you tell the same friend how you feel. I have not seen that play out very positively in other cases. I mean, you are telling this friend what you really want her to pass along to your WW. Right? However, it could cause you additional stress in the end, b/c you can't trust another person to say it exactly like you meant it. You can't trust another person to not add or take away from what you said. You can't trust another person to not attach their own opinions. In most cases, female friends are going to share their own opinions. I've also seen some female friends of the WW tell the LBH that she's trying to urge WW to stay in the M, etc...…...when in reality, that's not always true. I just encourage to be very careful sharing any information with someone else.
((hugs))
i still stick with “believe in none on what he/she says and half of what he/she does”. Sad to say these are our common friends, real life- long time friends. granted , they were WW’s first. They call, i ask them what she said, and of course is the same “ play the victim card, the “beat up the dead horse excuse”, which is “ the dog died”.i reply with, “ if i was really an a-hole of an H, where is WW’s D14? who’s taking care of her? what is WW doing now? where is WW now? who is she with now? this is when they realize, that there’s another side to the story. i know they’re more concerned about D14 than me, which i very much understand. always end my side with, “all i have is the truth, i don’t care what your opinion of me after i share mine, after all she’s your friend.” no R talks with them definitely!
i know it’s pointless because it becomes a “he said/she said story”. but they call and ask, and i oblige. am already an a-hole to WW don’t want to be like that with friends.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Yea,
the WW's friend is not a trustworthy source of info, but rather a spy. If she says WW wants to fix it you can put it how you said or just say "it sure doesn't look like it". Actions speak louder than words.
thanks ovrr. “Believe in none of what WS says and half of what they do”.
