IC is really family oriented. not that there’s something wrong with it. but i think they’re forcing the issue that if D14’s relationship with WW is non-existent, then it ruins her, D14, in the future.
When it comes to one's hurt/angry feelings in a parent & child relationship...….the parent should always be the one to approach the child to work through the hurt/anger. The parent is considered the more matured person of the two, and as long as that child is still a minor, it's the parent's responsibility to heed to the emotional needs of the child. However, in the case with your WW, her own words speak of the lack of concern and maturity in herself. Just as she no longer wants to be responsible in her MR, neither does she want the responsibility of parenting. Therefore, many of these type of issues occur when the WW is in her period of rebellion.
If the IC is unaware of the details of D14 catching her mother in bed with OM, and her mother wanting her to lie to cover it.........then the IC may need a heads up as to why WW is not reliable or cooperative in mending fences with D14. As I said yesterday, eventually this may turn into family therapy, b/c the entire family is affected by the WW's actions. Currently, it seems the IC may have to help D14 without mother's involvement.
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update... forgot to mention, according to WW’s friend she wants to fix MR and am the one that’s not interested. So i told friend, Me and WW can’t fix MR if she’s a) still having an A and b) she hasn’t shown any remorse. Told friend that i am done with begging, pleading and groveling. if she wants to make this work, she will have to put a lot of work. ended it with, am not being high and mighty or arrogant or letting my ego get the best of me, it’s just this time i will maintain what’s left of my self respect, self esteem and ego for myself, and i don’t have to look so little about myself.
You can do what you want, of course, but it is risky whenever the LBH starts sharing his thoughts or decisions with his W's friend. This friend is passing along to you the things WW has supposedly said about the stitch. Then you tell the same friend how you feel. I have not seen that play out very positively in other cases. I mean, you are telling this friend what you really want her to pass along to your WW. Right? However, it could cause you additional stress in the end, b/c you can't trust another person to say it exactly like you meant it. You can't trust another person to not add or take away from what you said. You can't trust another person to not attach their own opinions. In most cases, female friends are going to share their own opinions. I've also seen some female friends of the WW tell the LBH that she's trying to urge WW to stay in the M, etc...…...when in reality, that's not always true. I just encourage to be very careful sharing any information with someone else.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
