Trying to think of how to handle a few future interactions with H. He will come tonight to see daughter. I plan to leave of course, but I am wondering if I honestly should just make it so we dont even have to see one another. I dont want to be petty, and I dont want to miss a chance at interacting if I should be interacting with him, but part of me just says I should go out the back when he comes in the front and go on with my night.
I dont know that it will do anything besides make him angry, I just have absolutely nothing to say to him right now. I am so hurt, sad, disgusted, trying SO hard just to make it through the day without a panic attack.
Also, we have a family wedding coming up next weekend. I didnt tell H about it and asked if he could watch the baby that night. He said he could. But now I am getting nervous about being asked where he is, and if I should ask him to join me or what. I dont think we are in a position where I should ask him to come. A month ago yes, I would have. But now, after telling him im disgusted by what hes doing and dont want anything to do with him, I cant see just going back on that and asking him to come.
I cant catch a break. His birthday is coming up as well and I dread how to handle that. Im thinking a simple Happy Birthday will be suffice.
He told me today he is going out of town in 2 weeks. He is supposed to have a friends bachelor party that weekend, and last he told me he didnt think he was going to go. Im assuming thats where hes decided to go since its the same dates, but of course im wondering if maybe hes taking a trip with OW or something. I wont ask, but my stomach is definitely only knotting tighter thinking of it all. I wish so badly we could just sit down and talk. Im afraid if I avoid him like I am thinking, it will just push him even further because he will see me as angry. But if I am too pleasant I feel like he will take it like im just going to pretend to be ok with this all, which I dont want to do anymore.
