I'm just a few months ahead of you in the process, and I remember what it felt like to go dark (not quite no contact, but no initiation and business-like responses only to her emails). The first two months were the roughest, and had me constantly questioning myself about it and wondering if it was the right move. Eventually, I got to a place where I realized that going dark was less about her (although it gave her time and space) and more about me. Eventually I got to a place where I was no longer thinking constantly about her or the MR or the BD, and I could focus more on myself, improving myself, tending to my emotional needs. My W hasn't come around at all (it is 6 months now) nor do I expect her to. But I have come around, and realize that I need to heal myself and move on with my life.
It's normal to be tempted to reach out, to soften the darkness, but that is just pursuit which will push her away. It also is not detachment. You have to let her go and allow her to choose to come back or not. Right now you are still holding on to the idea of the MR being saved. Let it go and focus on yourself not her or the R.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
