Unsure what's next, what to do.....

[Wanted1]

Dude....wow. That was a hard read.

I hope you realize how strong you are for dealing with this situation the way you are. Many people would break into pieces. You, my friend, are still fighting.

Let's use that strength to get you healing and back on your feet.

Here is what you need to do:

I - Detach. She needs to own and work on her $hit. Your W's actions are not yours to deal with. That is her battle she needs to figure it out for herself. You have your hands full as it is.

II - Work on what you can control...YOURSELF. You and your child's well-being depends on you being the best and strongest. You have control of that. Embrace it and strengthen the crap out of it. The term GAL is used constantly. Get A Life. Go out. Have fun with your friends. Pray. Take up a hobby. Spend quality time and make awesome memories with your child. Join a support group. Keep your mind positively occupied

III - Seek help Find a good IC to talk to about your issues with your situation. Venting to an IC helps with the pain, even it it's temporary. You will get good advice and guidelines that will serve you well as you embark on this journey. Journaling here is a good way to let out some steam.

IV - Keep your hopes up It will get better. You WILL be a better man, father, friend, son, and Husband coming out of this (whether it's with your current partner or someone else).

I and II are the most important. I hope that you are already doing those steps in one form or another.

I would also work on III as quickly as you can. The faster you can start the healing process, the sooner you can move forward.

We're here for you.

Pain,

I sincerely appreciate your comments. As you can probably gather from my OP, I have never been a person that believed I needed to go see an IC. I was too prideful to think that it was ME who needed any help from a "stranger." Boy was I mistaken. I got an appointment right away the morning after the BD. It helped so much just to be able to do as you say, vent. Felt remarkably better afterwards even though I didn't really get any guidance that early in the process other than to not rush things or make any rash decisions this early due to the high emotions. I've now been to my IC twice and have another appointment for Monday. My IC is really focused on the traumas she's experienced as a child and then the effects it had on her after she read into it all earlier this year.

#II, I feel like I have a handle on. I've started working out, trying to be involved as much with the kids' routines, etc. Helping as much as absolutely possible around the house and with the kids. Haven't really done much GAL but I'm working on it. I'm doing "my own thing" as much as I can.

#I, is where I'm having a lot of struggles. Trying like heck to detach as much as possible not only because I know I need to for myself, but also W told me she just needs space and time to think about everything and to decide what to do. Like I said before, she told me on Sunday that she's leaning towards calling it quits, but yesterday told me, again, that she wants to see her IC one more time and run everything past her. That's been her "mantra" since this whole thing started. She won't open up as to the 'why' with me. Her appointment is tomorrow. Her IC is a lot harder to get into and schedule appts with then mine. She's only seen her's once and that was 2 days after the BD and then scheduled this appt for tomorrow which makes them exactly 2 weeks apart. Wish she could have gotten in sooner but I can't control any of that.

I've been praying like crazy.....and I guess I'm at a point now that I realize whatever happens will be according to His will. I read the book Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge over the weekend and she's been reading it now and said she wants to finish it before her IC session. It was a pretty good book, IMO. Talks about marriage from a biblical sense and also the differences between the male and female perspectives in marriage.

I've been sharing with her how my IC sessions go and she shared with me how her 1 went with her IC. I'm going to try my absolute hardest not to ask her how it went after tomorrow and let her come to me and discuss it if she wants.

Our S birthday is coming up, so we are planning on going to an event to celebrate his b-day with another couple and their S this weekend. Its a 3.5 hr drive away so we will be staying overnight either tomorrow night or Saturday. I'm curious to see how that goes since we are all going as a "family."