I guess part of the struggle for me knowing where the waywardness stops.
I thought I had answered that question in the past. You will know it is gone when her actions, attitude and words are parallel and she is working harmonious with you every day. I've told you in the past what would be required for her to get to that place, 44, so don't act like you've never read it.
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Can I ask you, Steve, what specifically do you think you neglected to do that could have prevented a repeat 12 years later? I will admit, this is now one of my most prominent fears that holds me back from diving into full recon. I do NOT want to look back and be disappointed in the judgments I make today.
You asked this of Steve, but I'm going to give my thoughts and see if his is any different. If you don't get it right from the beginning...…...I mean, know what it is you require of that woman before ever giving her a chance to "reconcile", or you may face the consequences of an unrepentant woman, who feels no remorse for her actions and who continues significantly in testing her H in very childish and irritating ways for a woman of her age. Plus she continues in keeping private friendships and holds secrets from him (mostly phone messages). Eventually, this activity will lead to another betrayal, if something does not happen to open her harden heart, b/c she was allowed to continue on in the relationship without committing to the M or her H. She refused to cooperate in any type of transparency plan...….or much of anything else. U rthi8nk she tried to get by with one she made up, which of course, gave no reassurances about anything. If I'm wrong, please correct me that she never gave a sincere, humble apology and said she's never to do it again. As for making any progress...…..I suppose that would be determined by you, since you have decided to live with her. However I will say that the good news lately is that she may give consent to see a counselor......so that is encouraging if the right counselor can be found.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
