Okay - I'm not saying show your love for your H now...
I'm saying take a step back to see your H's viewpoint. I'm not asking you to engage in a conversation with him about it. I'm asking your to delve deeper into yourself. What is your love language? Are you sure? What is your H's? What in the past made you feel really loved by your H and vice versa? Why would he feel that you weren't showing love they way he needed it??? This is your homework.
Also - anger is good. Of course you feel "why would he be so angry if I'm doing something he wants?" Please refer to earlier paragraph. The fact that he is angry means he notices... it means he still has some investment left.
Don't get me wrong - A is inappropriate for sure. Can you take your H back after an A? IDK? Have you done your homework on that? It sounds like you desperately want your M but have you worked through what that means? That you both will have to deal with this A? For some its a deal breaker... for others it can be forgivable. Where are you on that homework?
Again - I know many on here have a different opinion but you should really look into How to Affair Proof Your Marriage/His Needs, Her Needs. It might help you work through if you want your M after the A. I think your H has been unhappy about somethings in your M for some time...to the point he fooled himself into the grass is greener scenario. I also think your H has true connections with you and even though it feels to you that he out playing with his A and not missing you at all you might be surprised how much he has been trying to reconcile his feelings with you and your M.
Of course like Steve says you still need to GAL and 180 and honestly those should be lifetime endeavors here forth even during recon. I think there is real opportunity to save your M but step away from the center of the boxing ring and go back to your corner for a bit. You need to solidly regroup!!! Continue texting at this point will be nothing but pouring raw heated emotion at the other person when right now a clear head is needed.
HUGS
Thank you for this. This really helps me see what you were saying. While taking a step back, will he not be under the impression I am just content with him seeing her still?
