You may be stronger than me. I have found that the stage of waiting and knowing he is with someone else is near impossible for me. Maybe it is my pride getting in the way. It has been 1 year since BD, we have tried many times to make it work since then and he just has never seemed really fully in it IMO. Something has kept him coming back, but this is the first time ive made him leave that he hasnt come right back. Things with this new OW just feel different to me. He still seems on the fence but nothing is making him take any action. Its all just words to try to keep me hanging on, no action behind it whatsoever.
I am not ready to file so I wont, I just dont know what else to do at this point. And doing nothing feels SO awful. It feels like I am just constantly losing my dignity, knowing he is sleeping in bed with someone else and it is so wrong. I guess in the meantime I just have to keep strong in my boundaries. There is work around the house he has started and has not completed, and the materials just lay in the head of our driveway. Since March. I think it is time for me to tell him to just get all that stuff out of there. Get all of his tools out of there. Really make the house my own inside and out.
I dont know. I felt better yesterday saying what I said because I felt like I finally stuck up for myself and I dont think he expected it and I finally felt like I was showing myself some self respect. But I just already see how hes going to handle it. He is just mad and is trying to flip it on me. I am not saying how he feels isnt valid. He is just angry now and will take my silence as me backing down, as I have each and every time he gets angry like this and I go silent on him. I just almost feel like a 180 for me would be to put my foot down about the things I CAN control and tell him im done tolerating this bullsh*t. I wont be his friend, I wont pretend to be ok with this like I have been.
Im not going to initiate any contact. I keep thinking about what R2C said, woman fall in love with men in their presence, men fall in love with a woman in her absence. I pray thats true. I would love to find a way to not see him at all, but currently that isnt possible. But we do only see one another for about 2 minutes in and out of the house. It just seems like he takes my GAL as me just being ok with all this. I dont know. I know that doesnt change that I have to GAL for myself. I just am SO angry with him right now and hate how everytime i show my anger, instead of accepting responsibility, he has to become angry too.
