I bounced back a little and feeling better. After taking some Vitamin D I felt better and started to think logically. The rest of the day went better. Chatted off and on with W. Light-hearted talk. Still 10 minute conversations, but nothing related to our sitch. Maybe I am trying too hard, but I do feel that my slight nudging is showing some positive responses from W. I still feel like we are taking baby steps, just the DB books, other online resources (there are two other blogs I follow), and my MC teach me. I am taking some cautious risks. I will not engage in R talk. I will not talk about our sitch. That is going to be on W. I am however, going to show her more and more what she is missing in me. I pocket the little victories I get with W and move forward.
I see the changes I am making physically to my body. My arms and chest is getting a little more defined. I feel more attractive. I am carrying my head up and looking at people in the eyes when I talk. pain18 is becoming more of a man daily.
Talked to W's friend about our sitch. Told him that I do not know what is going to happen. All I know is that this will come to an end one way or the other. Told him it is obvious what my desired outcome to this sitch would be, but also told him that it is a longing/desire. I am not chasing/pursuing R. I am chasing/pursuing being a better me. A me that only a fool would leave.
Love you all. Thank you for the support for the last two months.
