Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

I was talking with a friend last night when I said "I really want June and July back again." Perhaps even August can be tossed in there as well - actually it should be. But starting with mid-September things have gotten a bit more poopy for me - and I'm not at all just referring to Wild Girl - although it's possibly, or likely related?

Music-wise I made it through my 10 or 11 gig string pretty well, but beyond that... Just not a lot of fun. Clearly I've got some sort of cloud over me. The main guy I gig with clearly has something going on as well and he's been zero fun to perform with. I won't go into details but he clearly wants to be any place else other than on stage. Well, to me, that's tough schnit. Suck it up buttercup and play to the best of your ability. Saturday was something else for my black cloud. Got yelled at from a cop which again too long of a story but none of it made any sense as he kept saying the road is closed and I can't get into the park where I was due on stage within the hour. Well dude, how do you want me to get to work - by helicopter. So after yelling at me he lets me in anyway! And I see all sorts of other cars driving in the same place. HUH? That gig was beyond bizarre in may ways and was capped off by going to the row of portable toilets before getting back on the road. I barely exit the little unit and some middle-age woman gets in my face and reads me out for banging on her urinal. I was stunned/shocked. I'm like, huh???? Lady I'm 50 years old (little white lie there) do you really think I'm going to be banging on urinals? Do you think that's my way of hitting on you or something? I just walked away making some choice comments about how crazy she is/was. I did have a couple good gigs thrown in, including getting to perform with a great blues guitar player I've not seen or played with in at least three years, so that was fun.

My mom's surgery got strange beyond strange and clearly I need to be more involved in the future. I'm not sure what all happened but after delaying her release date by a day and then another day, they wanted to send her to inpatient rehab for two weeks. This was not at all planned and a shock to my mom. My mom and dad just picked a name and went there. Imagine my shock when my dad shows up in my home office about three hours later in tears saying he signed my mom out AMA and had her in the car!!!! So this is where I got involved to try to straighten things out. She is doing much better at home with home rehab so it worked out, but could have been a real problem and was very much an eye opener to me.

I've got one more busy week of gigs here this week and weekend and then I'll be back to my normal pace. I've got to ride with the keyboard player going through whatever he's going through on Wednesday so maybe I'll find out more.

And then there is Wild Girl. I have no clue what is going on with her. We've texted on and off over the last week but not at all like had been the case in the past. She responds rather quickly and engages but has not reached out herself in at least a week if not two - not at all typical for her. I called her on Saturday as I was leaving one gig and on my way to the second where the cop could yell at me and lady accuse me of banging on her porta-potti I got VM and left a message. I was sort of surprised to get a text back within about 30 minutes saying "Sorry I missed your call, I was out shopping with D15 and now am at a house warming party. Maybe we can catch up later?" Hmmmmmm, sounds like the normal wild girl. I told her I'd text her when I was home later and she immediately responded "sounds good". I texted her after I got home, as I said, and have not heard from her since. She was very off the grid on Sunday and Monday - the days her and I would often get together. Of course that just made my mind wander.

So then... there is a friend of a very good friend of mine who was D'd this summer. I didn't pay all too much attention when my friend mentioned her to me but also included "I thought she would be really good for you but she says she's not ready to date yet." Other than thinking, that's a wise choice on her part, I didn't think more of it - until seeing her photo and finding out more. Wow, very, very much my type. I won't go into details as nothing is coming of it right now but it really showed me how much more this lady would be inside of my box and how outside Wild Girl is.

It's almost as I had such a fun summer and now I have to pay the price for it! I mostly really HATE just not knowing what's going on. I really can handle pretty much any truth, just talk to me - something I know I've told Wild Girl early on - yet she is who she is. But as I look at it closer, I'm not at all missing her - I'm missing what I had - namely someone to do things with and I won't lie, fun-filled sleep overs. If we were not tied together with this cruise I'm betting I'd not see her again, but as it is... Eventually this will have to come to some sort of conclusion. If she just wants space, I'm fine with that - just don't limp this along until December and then back out on me. Even backing out on me now I know will be headaches for me. I'm not good at waiting, but I have no choice so I'm back in no contact, at least for now.

It's sad on many levels - for example I'll be meeting the keyboard player 10 or 15 minutes from Wild Girls work and home. If this were back a month, I'd stop in , perhaps bring her lunch or even flowers or something - but clearly not the right move now. I'll get back later in the evening and could swing by for a little while since I've not seen her in person for a little over 2 weeks. Again, not something that makes sense now. What I'll likely do is wait to see if I hear from her or perhaps just shoot a quick little text on my way through.

I'll end here but my next post I want to expand on how all of this is just so senseless and widespread. As I read Joseph's thread on OLD and the craziness of all of that. I know I've said it before and I know many of you disagreed with me but I can't help but say that as a broad rule, the good ones are still married. That's not an absolute as I know there are those of us who are good ones yet still D'd. Nothing is absolute, but we make up the clear minority. There are perhaps 15% of us good ones who were D'd beyond our control. The fact still remains, 80% of the people that are out there and single and that way for a reason. They can't even engage in a healthy starting R. I really wonder who the real Wild Girl is? Is she the person I reconnected with back in June or the person I've experienced since mid-September?

Hopefully these black clouds will move on quickly. Oh, look, it's raining outside - AGAIN. LOL